EF8 - LSD Show Script
Created: Apr-30-2002
Last Modified: July-01-2007
Original script without markup
Smith Picture 1
Smith Picture 2
Smith Picture 3
F.I.A. Chief
People:
Director: Cheetah
Script: Cheetah, Eisfuchs
Lights: Nightfox, Loewi
Sound: Cheetah, Jaryic
Stage Support: Akeela, Tigerseye, Reesa
Puppeteers / Actors:
Narrator: Cheetah
Lionel Scritchie (Lion, shades): Lynard
Lori (Fox): Eisfuchs
Bad-Lori (Fox, Madonna-Outfit): Eisfuchs
Poke (Ferret): Fairlight
Agent Smith (Raccoon, hat): Zefiro
Agent Wesson (Raccoon, hat): Alcia
F.I.A. Chief (Raccoon, tie): Eisfuchs
Purifier Manual Voice: Eisfuchs
Thalian: Himself
Psychiatrical Helpline Introduction: Cheetah
Psychiatrical Helpline: Jaryic
Voodoo Helpline: Cheetah
Ghost Operator: Jaryic
The Ghost of Last Christmas Gone by: Chama(?)
Kermit (Jim Henson's Ghost): Fairlight
Radio Shack Salesman 1 (Panda): Fairlight
Radio Shack Salesman 2 (off): Cheetah
Props needed:
Hats for the Agents with differently colored bandanas
Pipe for the Fog Machine
Bad-Lori's Dressing Gear
Rods for Kermit and the F.I.A. Chief
Lionel's Shades
Light Hoses behind the stage
Furry Ears for the Audience (1.1)
Lectern (1.1)
Microphone (1.1)
Fanfold Paper (1.1)
Purifier (1.3, 1.4, 2.1, 3.3, 3.5)
Television Set (1.2, 2.1, 2.3)
Antennae for TV (1.2, 2.1, 2.3)
Office Desk with working Lamp and pen holder (1.3, 2.2, 2.4, 3.2)
Flip Chart with pictures of Lionel, Lori and Poke (1.3)
Trashcans (1.4)
Tin cans, boxes, rubbish bag, bent bicycle wheel (1.4)
Telephone (2.5)
Tape Machine (2.5)
Headphones (2.5)
Magic Crystal Ball (3.1)
Candles (3.1)
Magic Rituals for Dummies (3.1)
Mosquito net or something similar (3.1)
Cash Register (3.4)
Flashlight (3.4)
Wall separating the rooms (3.5)
Super Soakers (3.2, 3.5)
Cloth (3.5)
Poke's Toys (3.5)
Double headed vibrator (3.5)
Toilet Brush (3.5)
Scrubber (3.5)
Stages:
Stage 1: F.I.A. Hall: FIA logo on the wall
Stage 2: Living Room: Door to Lori's room in the background, German clock on the wall
Stage 3: F.I.A. Office: Clock and FIA logo on the wall
Stage 4: Alley: Window with flower pot, tin cans and a bent bicycle wheel
Stage 5: Radio Shack: "Cell Phones Cheap" sign
Stage 6: Poke's Room: "Wanted" poster on the wall
Lightings:
Channel 1: blue, stage only
Channel 4: white, Section B
Channel 5: green, Section B
Channel 6: yellow, Section B
Channel 7: red, Section B
Channel 8: Act 2 green, Section C, Act 3 white, Section A
Channel A: violet, Act 2 Section B, Act 3 Section C
Act 1 - Introduction
Scene 1 - F.I.A. Meeting, The Plan
Puppets: Chief
People: Audience
Props: Lectern, Microphone, Fanfold Paper
Stage: F.I.A. Hall
Sections: B
Music: ?
Sounds: ?
Setting: The audience sits in front of the lectern, a microphone stands there.On the Chief's right side is a stack of fanfold paper, the upper leaves are fastened to the top of the stage.
Lights out
Start Track 01, Music / Narrator
Channel 1 fading in during the intro music.
Audience comes onto the stage
Still Track01: Narrator: "No one would have believed in the first years of the 21st century, that furry affairs were being watched from the timeless world of gloomy government offices. No one could have dreamed that we were being scrutinized as someone with a microscope studies creatures that swarm and multiply in a drop of water. Few of us even considered the possibility of anyone being interested in us, and yet, across the data stream of the world wide networks, minds immeasurably more arrogant than ours regarded the fandom with envious eyes. And slowly and surely they drew their plans against us. At Midnight, on the 17th of August 2002 a huge mass of nameless secret agents gathered in the hall of the F.I.A., deeply hidden beneath the dark streets of the sleeping city."
white spot on the Chief
Chief: "Ladies and Gentlemen, dear comrades! The F.I.A. dares to protest and speak out against what's wrong with furry fandom, and call for a stop to the inaction and indifference and the brutal silencing of those who tell the truth: We are living in a community that has been corrupted, corrupted by perverts who engage in behavior and activities that would be considered as being socially embarrassing - and having dubious moral and legal status. I remember when being a pervert was being a bad thing!"
Audience applauds and cheers.
SFX-01: applause and cheers.
Chief: "If you were insane, you'd try to hide it - and good for *you*, if you did! If you decided to crawl out on the roof and inform the neighborhood via midnight megaphone that being urinated on got you hot, you would be told in no uncertain terms, how very diseased you were. In many parts of the world the idea of making love to Amy the Squirrel is still regarded as somewhat misguided. Most parts, that is - except Furry Fandom."
Audience boohs and agrees.
SFX-02: booh
Chief: "I don't know, what the hell happened here."
Audience: "Oooooooh!"
Chief: "Live - and let live is an excellent *tree*-hugging philosophy, but it doesn't do much, when the ones, you refused to kill, are dragging you down with them! If you like animal based stories, cartoons or artwork, you are a furry, and like it or not, today, furry means pervert! And this didn't come out of nowhere. You would not believe some of the baggage the term 'furry' has taken on! Comrades, we have a mission!"
Audience cheers.
SFX-03: cheer variation
Chief: "This fandom has to be purified! We shall institute ourselves as a monkey wrench in the gears of mainstream fandom - to improve it, or to destroy it."
The Chief makes a brief stop.
Chief: "I have here a list! A *list* of the members of furry fandom!"
The chief knocks off the paper stack, unfolding it completely.
Chief: "Dare to stand up with me, comrades, breaking the furry code of silence! Stand up! Speak out, and fight back!"
Audience (together) "Save Furry Fandom!"
SFX-04: applause
Lights fade out
Spot out
Music continues during scene change
Scene 2 - Boredom in the Dorm
Puppets: Lori, Lionel Scritchie, Poke
People: none
Props: Table, Television Set
Stage: Living Room
Sections: B
Music: The Road to El Dorado
Sounds: MTV Furry Report
Setting: A table stands in the middle of the stage. The TV stands to the right.
Channels 4,6 on
Fade Track 02: Music, Narrator, MTV-Report
Lori and Lionel are watching TV.
Still Track 02: Narrator: "On a boring summer night, Lionel Scritchie and his friends, were doing, what all good citizens do when the night begins to fall: Discussing important philosophical topics. Or, when that fails, playing a good game of chess. Or, when that fails, reading all the new comic strips from the morning paper. Or, when that fails, just sitting there, shedding on the carpet. Or, when just everything fails: Sit together, and watch MTV."
Still Track 02: MTV Furry Report
Lionel: "What the hell are they talking about? I can't believe my eyes! This is not what Furry fandom is about. Where did they find such misfits?"
Lori: "Oh what a desaster! This is so horrible! What will all my friends say? Everyone I know is going to watch this tonight!"
Lionel: "Aw, come on! They are so obviously lying, no one will believe them. Hey, and this is MTV! People will have forgotten about that by next week."
Lori: "Just remember the report about Live Action Role Players! It was the topic for more than two weeks, and boy, what did we laugh about them!"
SFX-05: door
Poke enters the room on the left
Poke: "Hi everyone, I'm home! You won't believe what I-"
Poke sees the report.
Poke: "Hey, cool! Gay Plushie Fursuit Porn on TV! Did you think of recording it? Whoaaa! Look what that fat guy on the right is doing! Quick! Turn on the VCR! We *have* to record that!"
Lori: "Poke, you moron! Don't you see what you're doing? The entire school will laugh about me and you don't give a damn about that!"
Poke: "Whoa! Hey! Is it possible that our little vixy is a tiny bit uptight today? Or is it *that* time of month again?"
Lori: "No, it is not that time of the month. And even if it were, this had nothing to do with the fact, that you are acting like a perverted, sex-crazed maniac again, and we have to pay for it!"
Poke: "I'm just building on my reputation."
Lionel: "Poke, don't you think, that it's enough for today?"
Poke: "Hey, it's not my fault that Miss Sheltered Childhood over there is so keen on political correctness that she flinches each and every time when someone says the word 'sex'."
Lori flinches.
Lori: "*eep!*"
Poke: "See? SEX!"
Lori flinches.
Lori: "*eep!*"
Poke: "SEXSEXSEXSEX!"
Lori flinches.
Lori: "*eepeepeepeep!*"
Lionel (annoyed): "Poke! CUT IT OUT! Would you mind going outside and chill?"
Poke: "What's your problem, fluffy kitty? Don't get your mane all curled up, just because I give Miss PG-Bitch-Voop something to chew on."
Lori starts to cry.
Lionel (angry): "I said, OUT!"
SFX-06: Lion roar
Poke leaves the stage to the left, muttering and cursing under his breath.
Lionel goes over to Lori and starts to reassure her.
Lionel: "Come on, Lori. Calm down. You know how he is ..."
Poke comes on the stage from the left.
Poke (shouts): "YIFF!"
Lori faints.
SFX-07: Faint
Start Track 03: Next Scene Music
Lights out
Scene 3 - F.I.A. Meeting, About Publicity
Puppets: Chief, Smith
Stage: F.I.A. Office
Sections: B
Props: Flip Chart, Office Desk
Sounds: ?
Setting: The flip chart is in the middle of the stage, currently closed. The desk is to it's right. The F.I.A. Chief is sitting at his desk, on the right side.
Channels 4,5 on
Start Track 04: Office Soundscape
SFX-08: Knocking
Chief: "Come in!"
SFX-09: Door
Smith comes on the stage from the left.
Smith: "You called for me, Chief?"
Chief: "Ah, Special Agent Smith! Please sit down. Mr. Smith, I've got a very special assignment for you. As you know we've been infiltrating the media, making sure, that those 'furries' get all the bad press they deserve. So far, our propaganda and media manipulation has been a great success. The reputation of individuals engaging in activities that are contrary to our goals has worsened considerably."
Smith: "This is good news, Sir."
The Chief stands up and goes over to the flip chart
Chief: "Mr. Smith, I'd like to introduce you to a small community of furries we've been observing over the last few months. It consists of three persons."
Spot on the flip chart
The chief flips a photograph of Lionel Scritchie on the flip chart, reading a book.
Smith and the Chief look at the picture
Chief: "Firstly, there is Lionel Scritchie. He is the oldest one in the house. Intelligent, rational and hard to influence, but since he is not engaging in any activities we need to worry about, we can safely ignore him."
A brief pause.
Chief: "Secondly, there is Lori."
The chief turns over the page to Lori, wearing a pink bow.
Smith whistles in appreciation.
Chief: "She is a brilliant example of how our technique works. Our manipulation of the media has taken full effect on her. She is probably the most innocent being on earth, but after constant exposure to our propaganda, she feels so filthy that she started showering five times a day. Piece of cake."
Smith: "That's great, Sir!"
Chief: "Of course it is. However, there is one big problem."
The Chief turns the page to Poke, wearing his drag outfit.
SFX-10: Poke's Music
Chief: "Now have a look this piece of work. This is *Poke*, the ferret. 21 years old, wears shoe size 5 1/2, uses more pornography than toilet paper, third time winner of the annual Castro Street Memorial Drag Queen Contest, furry lifestyler. He has three hobbies: cursing at Lori, watching pornography and getting laid. God knows how he is able to pay his rent. He is the impersonated testosterone on legs. All balls, no brains."
Smith: "Oh God, that sounds awful! And how did the project work on him?"
Chief: "That's the problem. We're in trouble. As I said, he is all balls, no brains. Our method only works on people with brains."
Smith: "And where do I come in?"
Chief: "We have to take other measures."
The Chief disappears from the stage.
Spot out
The Chief comes back and puts the Purifier on the stage, next to Smith.
SFX-11: Badumm
Chief: "*This* is your weapon of choice. The Purifier! Go and sneak up on him, and flash him with the purifier. He will never know what *hit* him. You heard my orders. That's all. You're dismissed."
Smith: "Sir! Yes, Sir."
Smith picks up the Purifier and goes to the left.
Chief: "Oh, Agent Smith?"
Smith: "Yes, Sir?"
Chief: "Before you use the purifier, *read* *the* *manual*!"
Smith: "Um ... Alright!"
Start Track 05 - Next Scene Music
Lights out.
Scene 4 - Poke gets flashed
Puppets: Poke, Lori, Smith
Stage: Alley
Sections: B
Props: Garbage Cans, Trash bag, Purifier
Music: Sesame Street - Salesman
Sounds: Crash
Setting: Three garbage cans garbage cans are standing in a row. A trash bag hangs over the stage on the left.
Channels 4,7 on
Fade Track 06: Back Alley
Secret agent Smith enters on the right, places the purifier somewhere to the right of the third garbage can behind the stage and then hides in this can, only barely visible now.
Poke enters the scene from the left, walking towards the first garbage can.
Poke: "It's always me who gets kicked out of the house. It's so unfair! Why can't those fucking boneheads stand the damn fucking truth? *Grrrr!*"
Poke kicks away the first garbage can.
SFX-12: Boing
Poke walks on towards the second garbage can.
Poke: "It's all about Lori! Lori, Lori, Lori! And who cares about me? Fucking no one cares about me! Maybe I should take Thalian's offer and move out. I'm so fucking fed up with this fucking shit!"
Poke kicks the second can away.
SFX-12: Boing
Poke and walks on to the third can.
Poke: "Stop saying this! Stop doing that! 'Oh, puuh-leeez! Could you pick up your socks from the kitchen table?' - 'Poke! You smell like a ferret again!' - 'Poke, have you been sniffing my underwear again?'. I can't stand it anymore! They're not fucking leaving me any fucking fun in my life! What the fucking damn fuckheads are those fuckers-"
Poke reaches the third garbage can and aims to kick it.
Lori (off): "Poke!"
Poke stops.
Poke: "Oh, fuck! Here comes the biggest fuck of all. Uh, well, I'm pretty sure, she never-"
Lori (off): "Poke! Wait, please!"
Lori enters the scene from the left, panting.
Poke: "What do *you* want?"
Lori (panting): "Poke, I'm so sorry! I want to apologize for all I was saying."
Poke: "Oh, the little Bitch-Voop wants to apologize! Isn't this sweet! You can apologize to your grandma, or try that mirror-mirror on your wall! It's always the same: First you insult me, then you pretend to be sorry for it! Next time don't apologize but rather don't let out your sexual frustrations on me in the *first* place!"
Poke kicks away the third garbage can
SFX-13: Boing - Smith: "Aaaaah!"
Smith goes flying.
Lori: "Hey! I only see one person being frustrated here!"
Poke: "Uh, shut up! Leave me alone! I'm outta here!"
Poke turns and goes away.
Lori (sobbing): "Okay, fine! If that's what you want! I couldn't care less about you! Go! Go ahead! Don't let the door hit your tail on your way out! I don't care about you!"
"
Poke trips over something, where the purifier is, and falls behind the stage.
Poke: "Wooaaaah!"
SFX-14: Crash
Lori runs to Poke.
Lori (gasp): "Poke! Poke! Everything alright? Are you okay? Poke! Speak to me!"
Poke (off): "Ow! I tripped over something!"
Poke reappears and places the purifier on the stage, between him and Lori.
Lori: "What is this thing? Let me see."
Poke: "I found it, it's mine!"
Lori: "I just wanna see, what it is!"
Lori picks up the purifier.
Poke: "Girls have no way with technology! I'm gonna keep it! Get away from it."
They are playing tug-of-war with the purifier.
Lori: "Let it go!"
Poke: "No, it's mine!"
Fade to Track 07: Flash
Strobe lights
The purifier flashes and Poke and Lori fall behind the stage.
Lori: "Aaah!"
Poke: "Aaah!"
FX Lights
The secret Agents sing "Flash".
Lights out
Act 2 - In search for the real Poke
Scene 1 - The new Poke
Puppets: Lori, Lionel, Poke
Stage: Living Room
Props: Table, Television Set
Sections: B
Music: ?
Sound: Trailer
Setting: The table is in the middle of the stage, the TV on the right. Lionel sits on the left side of the TV watching the programme.
Channels 4,6 on
Start Track 01: Narrator, Music: Narrator: "While struggling who may keep the strange device Poke found in the back alley, a bright flash had rendered Poke unconscious. Wondering what might have happened, Lori took Poke back home to ask Lionel for advice."
Lori comes in from the left and drags the unconscious Poke behind her at the tail.
Lionel: "Oh! Is Poke drunk again? It's only 3 p.m. That's a new record."
Lori (grunting): "Um ... Not exactly."
Lionel: "So, what happened then?"
Lori: "It's not my fault! I don't know what happened!"
Lionel: "Lori, please ..."
Lori: "Well, I was looking for him and found him in the alley behind the house, and then there was this bright flash and ..."
Poke groans and wakes slowly.
Poke: "I'm feeling most peculiar."
Lori: "Did you hear what I just heard?"
Lionel: "Are you sure that this is Poke?"
Lori sniffs at Poke.
Lori: "Sure smells like him."
Poke: "Oh gross! I feel so filthy!"
Lionel turns to Lori.
Lionel: "Lori, now tell me exactly what happened!"
Lori: "He - he just collapsed!"
Lionel: "Yes, but before that! I want to know *every* detail!"
Lori: "Oh! Well, I got up this morning and found, that my fur was a complete mess. So I started to brush my fur, but then I saw this big spot to the right of my nose ..."
Lionel: "Lori! I mean, what happened since you came into the alley!"
Lori: "Oh! Why didn't you ask me that earlier?"
Lionel (desperate): "Never mind. Just tell me now."
Lori: "I followed him into this alley to cheer him up a bit and talk it over. But he didn't want to listen and went away. Then he tripped over something. When I ran up to him, I found this strange thing lying next to him."
Lori puts the Purifier on the table, next to Lionel.
Lori: "I wanted to have a look at it but Poke didn't want to give it to me, so we went back and forth a bit and then there was this bright flash, and we fell to the ground."
Lionel: "What is *this*?"
Lori: "I don't know. It was just lying in the alley."
Poke: "Oh Lori! You're looking beautiful today!"
Lori (getting upset): "Why, you stinking, butt-faced, f..."
Lori stops short.
Lori: "What did you say?"
Poke: "I like how you made up your fur!"
Lori: "Oh, Poke! Why, thank you!"
Lionel: "Can anyone pinch my tail? Am I dreaming?"
Poke: "Gee! What a beautiful day! I think, I'll go and clean the kitchen."
Poke goes off to the left.
SFX-01: Dishes
Lori and Lionel look at each other in confusion.
Lionel: "I don't know, what has gotten into him, but he seems alright. Show me this strange thing."
Lori pushes the Purifier to Lionel.
Lionel: "Hm ... I can't see what this may be good for. Could be part of his bizarre sex toy collection. He's keeping all *kinds* of strange stuff in his room. We can ask him when he comes back."
Lights out.
Start Track 02: Next Scene Music
Scene 2 - F.I.A., a new Task
Puppets: Chief, Smith, Wesson
Stage: F.I.A. Office
Props: Office Desk
Sections: B
Sounds: ?
Start Track 03: Intro-Fanfare, Office
Setting: The Chief sits at the right side of his desk.
Channels 4,5 on
Smith enters the office from the left.
Chief: "Agent Smith! I see you've returned from your mission. Please report."
Smith: "Umm ... The subject got flashed, just like you ordered, sir."
Chief: "Oh, that's very good. So you *are* able to complete a job after all! I started wondering. But you've done well. Now give me back the Purifier. We'll keep the suspect under close supervision to see, if all works like planned."
Smith: "Um ... I'm afraid, I also have got some bad news, sir ... I only got to flash him once."
Chief: "Uh, Agent Smith ... I should have known. But you know that you have to flash him twice. It's in the Manual: 'First burn, then fixate'. Otherwise the effect can be reversed, and we don't want that, do we?"
Smith: "Of course not, Sir."
Chief: "Mr. Smith, you've had your chance. I'm very dissappointed of you. I'm going to appoint Agent *Wesson* to complete this job. So, give me the Purifier, so I can hand it over to Mrs. Wesson."
Smith: "Uh, yes, the Purifier. You mean, *zzzat* Purifier?"
Chief: "Yes, *zzzat* Purifier. *Give* it to me, now!"
Smith: "Well ... um ... Due to certain circumstances beyond my control ... um ... I lost hold of the Purifier."
Smith starts to "shrink" more and more, as the insulting goes on.
Chief: "Agent Smith, are you honestly trying to tell me that you've lost the Purifier? This can't be! Where is it?"
Smith: "Uh ... I'm afraid, the ferret took it with him."
Chief: "The *ferret* has it? This ... this is ... WESSON!"
SFX-02: Door
Agent Wesson enters the office from the left and walks past Smith.
Wesson: "Is there anything ..."
Wesson turns to look at Smith.
Wesson: "Oh, I see. What's wrong?"
Chief (angry): "The ferret has the Purifier!"
Wesson: "The ferret? How come? No, don't tell me. I think, I guessed it already."
Chief: "Mrs. Wesson, I want this job completed by tomorrow morning, or you'll be both back to cleaning public restrooms by tomorrow night. Did I make myself clear?"
Wesson: "Crystral, sir."
Chief: "So, get out of my sight, *now*!"
Smith and Wesson leave the office to the left.
The Chief breaks down on the desk, crying.
Chief (sobbing): "They are all so stupid, *sniff* and I'm their boss!"
Start Track 04: Next Scene Music
Lights out.
Scene 3 - The bad side of being good
Puppets: Lionel, Lori, Poke
Stage: Living Room
Props: Table, Chess Board and game stones, Television Set, Video Tape
Sections: B
Music: ?
Sounds: ?
Setting: The Table stands in the middle of the stage, the TV is on the right, the video tape is lying on the TV. Lori sits at the left side of the table, Lionel at the right side.
Channels 4,6 on
Start Track 05: Bugs Bunny
Lori and Lionel are playing chess.
SFX-03: Dishes
Lionel makes his move on the chess board.
SFX-04: Click
Lionel: "Check."
Lori makes her move on the chess board.
SFX-05: Clack
Lionel makes his move on the chess board.
SFX-04: Click
Lionel: "Check."
Lori: "Oh ..."
Lori makes her move on the chess board.
SFX-05: Clack
Lionel makes his move on the chess board.
SFX-04: Click
Lionel: "Check."
Lori glances past Lionel at the ceiling.
Lori: "Oh, look up there, an obvious distraction!"
Lionel looks up.
Lionel: "Where is it? I can't see no obvious-"
Lori drops the game board to the floor.
Lori: "Whoops! Clumsy me!"
Poke (off): "So, work is done. The kitchen is all nice and clean now. And you
know what? Tomorrow I'll be making waffles!"
Lori and Lionel look to the back of the stage.
Lionel: "That sounds great!"
Lori: "Thank you, Poke!"
Lionel: "Poke! Our favourite TV show is on in a few minutes!"
Lori: "We already brought Potato Chips and Cola!"
Lionel walks over and switches channels the TV.
Start Track 06: Click, Trailer music
Trailer: "And now see a new episode of 'Nude Space Vixens from Venus versus the Bondage Bunnies from Mars!' Presented by the James Hardiman Film Fund. Starring Eric W. Schwartz and Michael Higgs."
Poke enters the room from the right, walks past the TV, turns around and looks at the TV in shock.
Poke: "*gasp* What is this?"
Lori: "Our favourite TV show! You always liked to watch it."
Poke: "These times are over!"
Lori: "But ..."
Lionel: "But ..."
Poke: "No Discussion!"
Poke: "And what is this video tape?"
Lionel: "We recorded the rerun of the Gay Plushie Fursuit Porn report. We thought
you'd like to watch it later."
Poke: "Uh ... That's disgusting! How could you even *think* *I* might enjoy such a show?"
Poke walks over to the TV and switches it off. Then he sees the video tape
SFX-06: Click
Lionel sniffs.
Lionel: "Wait ... Is there anything burning here?"
Poke (gasp!): "My Duck al'orange! In the oven!"
Poke disappears from the stage to the right.
Lionel and Lori sigh together deeply.
Lori: "You know what? I really miss our old Poke."
Poke (off): "Dinner's ready!"
Lionel: "You know what? I don't."
Start Track 07: Next Scene Music
Lionel leaves the stage down.
Lights out
Scene 4 - F.I.A., In search of the Purifier
Puppets: Smith, Wesson
Stage: F.I.A. Office
Props: Office Desk
Sections: B
Sounds: ?
Setting: Wesson sits on the left, Smith on the right side of the stage
Channels 4,5 on
Fade to Track 08: Office Soundscape
Wesson: "You know, sometimes it's really hard to be your partner! Every time you screw up, I get kicked in the butt for it! The boss was really angry this time."
Smith: "But it wasn't my fault! It was just bad luck!"
Wesson: "Yeah, right! It's never your fault. Just like last time, when we were about to bust that Gang of Furry Pornographers and I spent three hours to place the microphone in that big guys cocktail cherry!"
Smith: "Yeah, what was wrong with that?"
Wesson: "You gave him the wrong glass and ate the cherry! I kept listening to your stomach bubbling for two hours flat and didn't understand a single word!"
Smith: "Hey, I said I was sorry! We're undercover agents and I was just trying to stay in character! When the guy invited me to pop some cherry, I didn't want to be impolite. So I popped the cherry into my mouth and -"
Wesson (interrupts): "All right, all right. *I* *give* *up*. It's not like I have a choice, anyway. We must see how we can reverse the damage you've done and finish the god-damn job, or the boss will bite our heads off and will take our fuzzy behinds on a rollercoaster ride through the himalaya!"
Smith: "Oh, I hate this guy. He's treating us like worthless scavengers."
Wesson: "Smith, you *are* a scavenger."
Smith: "Well, yes, but not worthless."
Wesson: "Whatever."
Smith: "Don't 'whatever' me. You could rather tell me, what we are going to do next."
Wesson: "That ferret needs to be properly converted! We have to get the Purifier back and
flash him the second time."
Smith: "But ... How are we going to do it?"
Wesson (confident): "Unless you screw up again, this is going to be easy. *You* sneak *up* on him from behind and I'll grab the Purifier from his paws and ... flash! When he wakes up again, he won't remember a single thing."
Smith (embarrassed): "Uh ... well ... There is a tiny little thing about the Purifier that I didn't dare to mention in front of the boss ..."
Wesson: "Smith ... Why is it always that my head starts to hurt when I'm talking to you? What is it this time?"
Smith: "The batteries are empty! They won't have enough power for another flash. I - like - umm - forgot to replace them yesterday."
Wesson (desperate): "They are going to kill us ..."
Start Tracke 09: Next Scene Music
Lights out.
Scene 5 - Psychiatrical Helpline
Puppets: Lionel, Lori, Smith, Wesson
Stage: Living Room
Sections: B,C
Props: Table, Telephone, Headphones, Tape device
Music: Pink Floyd - Money
Sounds: ?
Setting: The table stands in the middle of the stage. On the table stands the telephone. Lionel sits on the left side of the table, Lori on the right side. The Tape Device stands in the middle of Section C. Wesson sits on the left side of the Tape Device, Smith on the right side. Wesson wears headphones.
Fade music down to zero
Channels 4,6 on
Lori: "What are we going to do now? Lionel, I know, it sounds strange, but I want the old Poke back."
Lionel: "What's the problem? He changed a bit, but I think it was for the better."
Lori: "You have no idea! He is making me mad! Do you know what he did? He threw out all my lipsticks and cosmetics. Not to mention the other stuff."
Lionel: "What other stuff?"
Lori: "Uh - you know - the really other stuff."
Lionel: "Lori! You!?"
Lori: "Uh - you know ..."
Poke (off): "Lionel! I've got to talk to you!"
Lionel turns to the voice.
Lionel: "I'm busy!"
Lionel turns back to Lori.
Lionel: "So, what are you up to?"
Lori: "I found something in the latest issue of Vanity Fair. They have set up a psychiatrical helpline for desperate furries!"
Lionel: "Vanity Fair? But Lori! Do you really want to call the hotline of a magazine that portrays furries like you and me as perverted nutcases who watch sleezy artwork and make out with their plushies?"
Lori: "Yes, well, I thought ... you know ... Let's face it. Poke actually IS - or rather - WAS a perverted nutcase who -"
Lionel: "Oh, come on! You should know that these kinds of hotlines are just tricks to rip-off clueless people. You don't expect to get real help from a bogus telephone helpline, do you?"
Poke (off): "LIONEL! I need to talk to you NOW! Immediately! PRRRRONTO!"
Lionel (to the voice): "What the heck is wrong?"
Poke (off): "I was just cleaning up your room, and guess what I found under your bed? I demand an explanation! This is so disgusting!"
Lionel (to the voice): "WHAT!? What are you doing under my bed?"
Poke (off): "As long as I'm living here this is going to be a decent household! And you'll go blind from doing this too often!"
Lionel: "Grrr! This goes too far! Lori, call the hotline!"
Poke (off): "True love can wait!"
Lionel (angry): "Uh, shut up!"
Lori goes over to the phone
Lionel: "Turn on the speakers, so I can listen."
Lights out
white Spot on Lionel, Lori and the phone.
Lori dials
SFX-07: Dialtone
SFX-08: Dialing
Lori and Lionel talk a little to each other during the introduction.
SFX-09-16: Helpline Intro: "Welcome to the Vanity Fair Psychiatric helpline. If you are obsessive compulsive please press 1 repeatetly. If you are suffering from severe anxiety please ask someone else to press 2. If you have multiple personalities, please press 3, 4, 5 and 6. If you are paranoid delusional, we know who you are and what you want. Just stay on the line so we can trace the call. If you are shizophrenic, listen carefully and a little voice in your head will tell you which number to press. If you've got alzheimer's disease, just forget about it. If you have problems with a desperately misguided furry, press 9."
Lionel: "That's us. Press 9!"
Lori presses 9.
SFX-17: Nine
SFX-18: Helpline Intro: "This call will cost you 50$ a minute. Please hold the line."
SFX-19: Operator: "This is the Psychiatrical helpline for really desperate furries. Please state the nature of your problem."
Lori: "Yes, please! You've got to help me! I'm really desperate!"
Channels 5,6 on (create a nature look)
Spot out
SFX-20: Operator: "Picture yourself near a stream. Birds are singing in the crisp, cool mountain air. Nothing can bother you here. No one knows the secret place. You are in total seclusion from that place called 'the World'. The soothing sound of a gentle waterfall fills the air with a cascade of serenity. The water is clear. You can easily see the head of the person you are pushing under water."
Lights out
white Spot on Lori, Lionel and the phone
SFX-21: Operator: "There, now! Feeling better?"
Lori: "No. Well ... We've got some form of mental illness here."
SFX-22: Operator: "One out of four people is suffering from some form of mental illness. Check three friends. If they're okay, then it's you."
Lori: "Uh - Doctor, I get the feeling, that you don't give a damn about anything I say."
SFX-23: Operator: "So what?"
Lori: "Look! We're relly desperate! We've got a big problem with a friend."
SFX-24, 25: Operator: "A friend? Is he furry?"
Lori: "Yeah."
SFX-26: Operator: "Has he shown any sudden changes of behavior?"
Lori: "Sure."
SFX-27: Operator: "Is he either a ferret or another form of mustelid?"
Lori: "Yes, that's him?"
SFX-28: Operator: "Is he 21 years old and wears shoe size 5 1/2?"
Lori: "Yes! Yes!"
SFX-29: Operator: "I'm sorry, ma'am! In this case, I can't help you."
Lori: "Oh, please, have a heart! We really need your help!"
Lori starts to cry.
SFX-30: Operator: "Um ... Ma'am, please! Stop! No ... Well ... Alright, alright! I'm not officially allowed to do this, but ... Oh, well ... Please, hold the line."
SFX-07: Dialtone
Lionel: "What's happening now?"
Lori: "I don't know!"
Spot out
Strobe light
Fog comes up
blue Spot on Lori, Lionel and the phone
Channel 5 (dark red)
Start Track 10: Voodoo
SFX-31: Helpline: "Welcome to Mama Muerte's Voodoo Helpline for the really desperate and really misguided furries."
Lori: "Listen, please!"
SFX-32: Helpline: "Silence! You shall not speak until the oracle has questioned you! I feel great disturbance of the power. You have called me because a friend of yours has shown sudden changes of behaviour."
Lori: "How do you know?"
SFX-33: Helpline: "We just know. But maybe next time your ferret friend should turn off cookies in his web browser, before visiting erotic web sites."
Lori: "Oh."
SFX-34: Helpline: "Was this change preceeded by a bright flash of light from a mysterious artifact?"
Lori: "Yes, it was."
SFX-35: Helpline: "I see. There are only two ways you can get through this alone. The first thing you have to try is to call the ghost of his former self, which is still walking among the lost souls of the dead. If that fails, there is only one other way for you. It takes extreme courage because it's very dangerous. You must go and join the dark side of the fur and challenge your friend with your newfound evil powers, so he will find back to his former self. But beware! The dark side of the fur is powerful and tempting. Don't lose yourself to the dark side."
Lori: "But - this all sounds so dangerous! If we fail, what can we do then?"
Start Track 11: Advertising
SFX-36: Helpline (very casual voice): "Of course, you don't *have* to go through all this alone. For just a very low fee you can bring your friend to our office and our trained witch doctors will happily be of help. During the last five years our success rate has been unmatched by any other professional excorcism institution. You can come anytime during our consultation hours, every night from dusk till dawn."
Lori: "Uh - alright. Where can we find you?"
SFX-37: Helpline: "2436 Main Street, just next to the F.I.A. building."
Lori: "Thank you."
SFX-38: Helpline: "Goodbye."
Stop Track 11
SFX-39: click. beeeeeeeeeeeeeep
Channels 4,6 off, Channel 8 on
Start Track 12: Agent Music
Smith: "I can't believe it! She really fell for it! Wesson, this was a brilliant idea! But what, if they try to call the ghost of the ferret and walk to the dark side of the fur?"
Wesson: "Oh, Smith, grow up! This was only to fool them. We made it all *up*! Stuff like that doesn't exist. No matter if they try it or not. Sooner or later, they'll show up here. And then we'll get them all at once!"
Smith: "And then we will get promoted to the top staff of the F.I.A. and we can treat our boss like *he* is treating *us* now!"
Smith and Wesson laugh loudly.
Lights out
Act 3 - The Good and the Bad
Scene 1 - The Ghost of Poke's past
Puppets: Lori, Lionel, Kermit
Props: Table, Magic Crystal Ball, mosquito net, candles, Magic Rituals for Dummies, Poke's stola
Stage: Living Room
Sections: B
Sounds: ?
Setting: The table stands in the middle of the room. On the table sits a magic crystal ball (turned off). Lionel sits on the left side of the table, Lori on the right. To Lori's right side there lies the Magic Ritual for Dummies book. The mosquito net is draped above the table. Candles are illuminating the room.
Channels 4,6 on
Start Track 01: Background, Narrator: "Agent Smith and Wesson were sure of the success of their cunning plan, trying to lure our three friends directly into FIA headquartes. They were sure our friends would never dare to join the dark side of the fur. Never. Would they?"
Lionel: "Do you really think this is such a good idea?"
Lori: "Well, I spent all my money on the psychiatric helpline and I don't think we could afford the 'small fee' the voodoo counselor was asking."
Lionel: "So, what are we going to do?"
Lori: "My 'Magic Rituals for Dummies' says: 'Step 1: Place the Magic Crystal Ball in the middle of the table."
Lionel: "Check."
Lori: "'Step 2: Sit around the table, where the Magic Crystal Ball is placed on.'"
Lionel: "Check."
Lori: "'Step 3: Touch the Magic Crystal Ball with your nose.'"
Lionel: "With my nose?"
Lori: "It says so in the manual."
Lionel and Lori touch the ball with their noses.
SFX-01: Thud
SFX-02: Thood
Lori (nose closed): "'Step 4: Concentrate on the spirit you wish to summon.'"
Lionel (nose closed): "Alright, here we go."
Lori: "Ommmmmmmmmm ..."
Lionel: "Ommmmmm ..."
Channels 4,6 fade down
Start Track 02: Crystal Ball
The crystal ball starts glowing.
Channel A on
Fog comes up in Section C
The ghost of last christmas gone by comes from the fog.
Red spot light follows the ghost.
Lori and Lionel remain motionless.
SFX-03: Ghost: "I am the ghost of last christmas gone by, and I am ... I am ... uh, where am I?"
The Ghost walks over to the two puppets.
SFX-04: Ghost: "Hello? HELLO?"
The Ghost shakes Lori, without effect.
SFX-05: Ghost: "Seems, I ended up in the wrong invocation. Farewell."
The ghost walks back to Section C and disappears.
Spot out
Fog off
Stop Track 02
SFX-06: Reverse Swoosh!
Channels 4,6 back on
The crystal ball switches off.
Channel A off
Lionel and Lori sit back from the ball.
Lori: "What was that?"
Lionel: "I'm sorry. It's kinda hard to concentrate on a guy like Poke."
Lori: "Well, let's try again."
Lori and Lionel touch the ball with their noses.
SFX-01: Thud
SFX-02: Thood
Lori: "Ommmmmmmmm ..."
Lionel: "Ommmmmmmm ..."
Channels 4,6 fade down.
Start Track 03: Crystal Ball
The crystal ball starts glowing.
Channel A on
Fog comes up behind the Crystal ball.
Kermit rises up behind the ball.
white Spot on Kermit
Kermit (upset): "I am the ghost of Jim Henson! And what you are doing here is pathetic! You don't seem to have any clue about puppetry at all! I mean, look at this decoration! Is this cheap or what? And *my* appearance here is not even licensed! I'm going to send you the ghost of my lawyer!"
Lori and Lionel sit back again with a jerk.
Stop Track 03
SFX-06: Reverse Swoosh!
Spot out
Kermit disappears.
Channels 4,6 back on
The crystal ball switches off.
Channel A off
Fog off
Lionel and Lori are panting hard.
Lori: "That was frightening!"
Lionel: "And who the heck is Jim Henson?"
Lori: "Maybe we need something personal, to summon the right ghost."
Lionel disappears under the stage and comes back with Poke's red stola. He curls it around the ball.
Lionel: "Like this?"
Lori: "Yes, exactly. Let's try again!"
Lori and Lionel touch the ball with their noses.
SFX-01: Thud
SFX-02: Thood
Lori: "Ommmmmmmmm ..."
Lionel: "Ommmmmmmm ..."
Channels 4,6 fade down.
The crystal ball starts glowing.
Channel A on
SFX 07: bee bee beep! Ghost Operator: "The ghost you have called is temporarily unavailable. Please try again later, or call your local Magic Crystal Ball Operator." Bee bee beep!
Channels 4,6 back on
The crystal ball switches off.
Channel A off
Lori and Lionel sit back again.
Lionel: "That's it. I don't believe this is going to lead us anywhere."
Lionel takes the Crystal Ball and the mosquito net behind the stage.
Lori: "Well, then we'll have to try out the second thing the counselor told us."
Lionel: "Lori, don't you understand? This is not going to work! Do you remember what I told you about phony hotlines?"
Lori: "Oh, well ..."
Lori turns around to walk into her room.
Lionel: "I think we should have a closer look at the strange thing you stumbled upon in the alley."
Lori is still walking.
Lori: "I already tried everything. It has three buttons, but none of them do anything. If you don't want to help me, I'm going to try this alone."
Lionel: "If it makes you feel better ..."
Lori disappears through the door.
SFX-08: Door
Lionel: "Now where did I put that thing?"
Lionel disappears.
Start Track 04: Next Scene Music
Lights out
Scene 2 - Plan B
Puppets: Smith and Wesson
Stage: F.I.A. Office
Props: Office Desk
Sections: B
Props: Super soaker
Sounds: ?
Setting: Smith and Wesson are sitting in the office, Smith on the right, Wesson on the left side.
Channels 4,5 on
Start Track 05: Background
Smith walks to and fro.
Smith: "Oh, this waiting makes me nervous. I'm really getting nervous. Time is running out quickly, and the Chief will be very angry! When do you think they will show up here?"
Wesson: "Oh, calm down ... They *will* show up some time."
Smith: "But we only have three hours left."
Wesson: "I'm pretty sure they will come."
Smith: "But what if they don't?"
Wesson: "Hm ... Maybe they won't show up."
- "Maybe."
Smith: "And then?"
Wesson. "The Chief will probably bite our heads off and will take our fuzzy behinds on a rollercoaster ride through the himalaya!"
Smith: "So? You know, this is not funny!"
Wesson: "Maybe ... Maybe it is time for Plan B."
Smith: "What is Plan B?"
Wesson goes down and comes up with a huge Super Soaker.
Start Track 06: Pump Action, Pulp Fiction
Wesson: "Plan B! We will go in there and get the ferret!"
Smith: "I think I like that Plan B."
Wesson: "Sometimes a girl gotta do, what a girl gotta da!"
Smith: "Let's go and get' em!"
Smith and Wesson run out to the left side.
Smith: "WHEEEE!"
Wesson: "WHEEEE!"
Lights out
Scene 3 - Closer examination
Puppets: Lionel, Bad-Lori
Stage: Living Room
Props: Table, Television Set, Purifier, Manual
Sections: B
Music: Joan Jett and the Blackhearts - Bad Reputation
Sounds: ?
Setting: The table stands in the middle of the stage, the TV on the right side. On the table sits the Purifier. Lionel sits to the left side of the table.
Stop Track 06
Channels 4,6 on
white Spot on Lionel
Lionel: "I wonder what this thing is. Three buttons, indeed. 'Burn', 'Fixate', 'Reverse'. I wish I knew what that means."
Lionel looks at the Purifier from all sides.
Lionel: "'Property of the F.I.A., Top Secret.' Wow! 'If found, return to 2435 Main Street. Made in Japan.'"
Lionel fiddles around a bit and a piece of paper falls out onto the table.
SFX-09: Paper
Lionel: "What's this? Ah! There's a manual attached!"
Lionel folds open the manual and starts to read.
SFX-10: Manual: "F.I.A. Purifier, TOP SECRET!"
Lionel: Hm .... Who ever this belongs to must be incredibly stupid."
SFX-11: Manual: "For purchase extra Purifier, all your thanks are belong to us. For clean person in order examine you the eyes of the person are far open. Operate then 'burn'. If victim in the disturbance flashed, operate 'reverse'. In order to form changes durable, 'fixate' press. Warning! Keep out of children."
Lionel: "Spooky ... This really sounds, like this thing could be responsible for Poke's alteration. Well, I never believed in conspiracies, but *that* convinces me. Now, if I got that right, all we have to do is make sure, that Poke's eyes are wide open and then press 'reverse'? That would be too easy. But let's try what happens."
Lionel presses the button.
SFX-12: Empty Purifier sound
Lionel tries again.
SFX-12: Empty Purifier sound
Lionel: "Maybe the batteries are low. Let's see what the manual says about that."
SFX-13: Manual: "Replace battery only with type is Nakahishi Demokura 33/5 12.8 Volts. Otherwise move every zig. Make your time."
Lionel: "Kagemuchi, who? This doesn't look like something you could pluck from your TV remote. I never saw this kind of batteries before. Radio Shack, here I come."
Lionel turns to Lori's door.
Lionel: "Lori? I'm going shopping! Do you wanna come with me? - Lori? - Oh, sure. I forgot. She was going to join the dark side of the fur. Yeah, right! He he he."
Lionel disappears to the left.
Nothing happens für some seconds.
SFX-14: Bang!
3 seconds pause
Bad-Lori comes in, smashing the door.
Bad-Lori: "Whoaaa!"
Lights out
white Spot on Bad-Lori
Strobe light
Fog on
FX light
Start Track 07: Bad Reputation
Bad-Lori: "Whoaaa! I *love* the dark side of the fur! I never felt so fucking good before! Now, where's that whiny excuse for a ferret? I'll show him what the fuck real life is about!"
Lights out.
Start Track 08: New Scene Music
Scene 4 - Radio Shack
Puppets: Lionel, Salesman
Stage: Radio Shack
Props: Cash register, Flashlight
Sections: B
Sounds: ?
Setting: The cash register stands on the left side of the stage. The Salesman sits to the right of the cash register.
Channel 4 on
Start Track 09: Background Radio Shack
SFX-15: Doorbell
Lionel comes in from the right.
Salesman: "Welcome to Radio Shack. How can I help you?"
Lionel: "I need a battery."
Salesman: "A battery. Um ... We have all kinds of batteries. Big ones, small ones, round ones, square ones, long ones, short ones, some have more juice, some have less juice ... So ... could you please be a tad more specific?"
Lionel: "Oh, sure. The type is Nakahishi Demokura 33/5 12.8 Volts."
Salesman: "Ah, you need a Nakahishi Demokura 33/5 12.8 Volts. Say, do you know a ferret named Poke?"
Lionel: "Yes! How do you know?"
Salesman: "Because he's the only person who usually buys this sort of exotic battery. Hang on, I'll check if we've still got some of them in stock."
The salesman turns around to shout at his colleague in the off.
Salesman: "Fred? Do we still have a Nakahishi Demokura 33/5 12.8 Volts?"
SFX-16: Fred (off): "A what?"
Salesman: "You know, that exotic kind of japanese battery that this ferret used to buy for his double headed turbo power japanese rotating pneumatic electrical stimulating self expanding microprocessor-driven backlighted vibrator?"
SFX-17: Fred (off): "Oh, that one! No, we're out."
The salesman turns back to Lionel.
Salesman: "No, I'm sorry, we're out. You will have to resort to some kind of ... manual stimulation."
Lionel: "Double headed japanese electrical ... ummm ... uh ..."
Salesman: "Yeah buddy, the strangest thing I've ever seen. I hope you know, what you're getting yourself into - or rather what you are getting into yourself. He he he."
Lionel: "Uh, this is some kind of misunderstanding."
Salesman: "Yeah, right, no need to blush. We all have our primal needs. But anyway, the battery's out. Would you like us to reorder? It will take a few weeks, though."
Lionel: "No, thank you, that would be too late."
Salesman: "Uh, you must be desperate. Too bad I can't help you. Is there something else, you may need? Would you like a cell phone? We've just got new models."
Lionel: "No, thank you."
Salesman: "How about portable radios?"
Lionel: "I - dont - need - a - portable - radio."
Salesman: "What about a pair of new speakers for your home stereo?"
Lionel: "No!"
Salesman: "Do you need any *other* kind of batteries?"
Lionel: "No, I don't need no other batteries!"
Salesman: "Would you like a free flashlight, then?"
Lionel: "Uh, it's free? Yeah, why not!"
Salesman: "Here you are."
The salesman gives Lionel the flashlight.
Lionel: "Hey, there are no batteries in there."
Salesman: "Do you need some *other* kind of batteries, *now*?"
Lionel: "Alright, I give up. Just keep your stuff. At least now I know where to find this kind of batteries. Thank you! Goodbye!"
Lionel leaves to the right.
SFX-15: Doorbell
Lights out
Start Track 10: Next Scene Music
Scene 5 - Finale
Puppets: Bad-Lori, Lionel, Poke, Smith, Wesson
Stage: Living Room
Stage: Poke's room
Sections: A,B,C
Props: Table, Wall, Flower Pot, Cloth, Purifier, Poke's toys, Super Soaker, Double headed vibrator, Toilet Brush, Scrubber
Sounds: ?
Setting: The wall stands at the border from Section A to Section B, separating Poke's room from the Living Room. The Table stands in the middle of the stage. A flower pot stands on the table. The Purifier stands to the left side of the table.
Stop Track 10
Channels 4,6 on
Poke is busy cleaning the living room table with a cloth, humming the "Wizard of Oz" tune
Poke (humming, mumbling): "I'm just a little ferret, cleaning all the rooms ..."
Bad-Lori enters in Poke's back from the right side.
Bad-Lori: "Heya, Sweetie!"
Poke jumps violently and turns around, dropping the cloth.
Poke: "Gaaah! Lori, is this you? Are you feeling alright?"
Bad-Lori: "I never felt so alive before! But this is going to be about you, not me."
Poke: "So, what do you want to discuss."
Bad-Lori (laughing): "What do I want to discuss? Look at yourself! What's left of the Poke you have once been? Look what you've become! A whiny good for nothing, carpet-crawling, snot-munching, lice-infected, cow-fucking, dutchman-licking, stinking sack of shit!"
Poke (sniffs): "How can you say such a bad thing to me? You are so mean!"
Poke starts to cry.
Bad-Lori: "Oh, come on! Stop crying like a fucking wimp! Join me on the dark side of the fur! I'll do things with you, only your former self would be able to imagine. Poke!"
Bad-Lori lays down on the table, shattering the flower pot
SFX-18 Crash
Bad Lori presents her rear end to Poke.
Bad-Lori: "Oh, Poke! I need you now! I need you so badly! Give it to me right here, right now! Join the dark side of the fur!"
Poke: "No! Leave me alone!"
Poke grabs the Purifier and runs into his room, locking the door
SFX-19: Door slam
Channel 8 on
Bad-Lori: "You can't run away forever! I will get you! I don't want to stay a virgin *all* my life!"
Lionel comes in from the right, panting. He runs past Lori and stops.
Lionel: "Lori! I've got great news! I - Lori? What are you doing on the table? And where is Poke?"
Bad-Lori: "Poke? Oh, that fucking coward is hiding in his room."
Bad-Lori steps from the table.
Lionel: "Lori, what's wrong with you? You seem so ... different!"
Poke (shouts): "Lori! Lionel! Can you hear me?"
Lionel runs to the door.
Bad-Lori: "Of course we can, you butt-headed flea-ridden son of a swamp rat!"
Poke: "Lionel? Lori just told me, I was a good for nothing, carpet-crawling, snot-munching, lice-infected, cow-fucking, dutchman-licking, stinking sack of shit! And you know what? She's absolutely right! I *am* a good for nothing, carpet-crawling, snot-munching, lice-infected, cow-fucking, dutchman-licking, stinking sack of shit! So now I'm putting an end to it all! I can't live with the shame of my past any longer! Good bye! Arrivederci! Auf Wiedersehen!"
Lionel: "But Poke! I know how you can get your former self back!"
Poke: "I don't want my former self back!"
Lionel: "Poke, we are your friends! Trust me! All you have to do is to replace the battery from the Purifier and press 'Reverse'! And everything will be fine!"
Poke: "I don't have any batteries!"
Lionel: "Yes, you have! The battery is inside your double headed turbo power japanese rotating pneumatic ..."
Bad-Lori: "Cooool!"
Lionel: "... electrical stimulating self expanding microprocessor-driven backlighted vibrator!"
Poke: "No! I'm not going to touch this thing! Never! Never ever!"
Smith and Wesson enter the room from the right. First Wesson, then Smith.
Start Track 11: F.I.A.
FX light
Wesson: "This is the F.I.A.! You're surrounded! Surrender the ferret!"
Smith starts to fire his gun.
Strobe light
SFX-20: Machine gun
Wesson (gasp!): "Stop that!"
Bad-Lori runs to the door, pounding at it.
SFX-21: door pounding
Bad-Lori: "Poke! Come out you coward! I wanna fuck the living daylight out of you! Join the dark side of the fur! This is your only chance!"
Lionel (shouting): "Replace the battery! This is your only chane!"
Wesson: "Come out with your paws above your head! This is your only chance!"
Strobe light
SFX-20: Machine gun
FX light out
Fade Track 11 out
Poke (shouting): "Stop it! STOP IT! I can't stand it any longer!"
Light fade out, except Channel 8
Start Track 12: Thunder, Thalian, Lion King
Strobe light
Fog in Section C
All puppets except Poke disappear.
Channel A on
Thalian rises in Section C
Thalian: "Remember!"
Poke: "Thalian?"
Thalian: "Remember who you are!"
Poke: "Yes! Thalian! I remember who I am!"
Thalian: "Remember!"
Thalian disappears down again
Fog off
Channel A out
Poke: "I will find my double headed ..."
Poke puts a collection of different tools on the stage one by one, while he's speaking.
Poke: "... turbo power japanese rotating pneumatic electrical stimulating self expanding microprocessor-driven backlighted vibrator, and I'll replace the battery!"
Poke disappears again.
Poke: "Where is it? Where did I put it?"
A short pause.
Poke: "There it is! I found it!"
Poke comes up again, throws all toys from the stage and puts the double headed ... thing on the stage.
All Puppets come up again.
Channels 4,6 fade in
All: "Replace the batteries! Replace the batteries!"
Poke disappears with the double headed ... thing behind the stage.
Strobe light
SFX-22: Purifier Charges
Lights out
All puppets down
Stop Track 12
All wait until the audience is silent.
Spotlight on the left corner of Section B
Poke appears inside the spotlight.
Poke: "What the fuck happened here? This was the most fucked up shit I've ever tread into! And fuck, my fucking head fucking hurts!"
Channels 4,6 on
All puppets up again, Smith and Wesson somewhere in Section C
All: "He's back, he's back!"
Poke: "Yes, I am! And I'm horny like hell!"
FX light
Start Track 13: Halleluja, Narrator
Lights fade out while track runs
Smith and Wesson are busily cleaning the stage in Section C with toilet brush and scrubber
Still Track 13: Narrator: "And together the friends celebrated Poke's return to his former self. But yet, there were still a few things left to be resolved. After returning to their headquarters, Special Agents Smith and Wesson soon enjoyed their new responsibilities as vital parts of the cities public restroom department, for the first times in their lives doing something really useful for society. And they have learned an important lesson: Burned Furs get burned twice. And one other thing had to be resolved."
Scene 6 - Bad Lori - Good Lori
Puppets: none
Stage: none
Sounds: smash, boom
Stop Track 13
Lights out.
Lionel (reprimanding): "Lori, let's face it! You don't have a choice. The current situation is just wrong! You must get back to the light side of the fur!"
Bad-Lori: "Why? I don't want to! I like the way I am now!"
Poke: "Yes, why does she have to? We could always talk this over in my bedroom! After all, she said, she didn't want to stay a virgin all her life."
Bad-Lori: "I'm not going to the light side of the fur again and turn into that sissy vixen I once was!"
Lionel: "Lori, you have to go!"
Bad-Lori: "No!"
Lionel: "Yes!"
Bad-Lori: "No!"
Poke: "No!"
Lionel: "Yes!"
Bad-Lori: "No!"
Poke: "No!"
Lionel: "Okay guys! Everbody grab a paw!"
Bad-Lori: "Nooo! You assholes! Get your paws off me!"
Bad-Lori keeps scolding.
Lionel: "All at once! One! Two! Three!"
Bad-Lori: "Whooooaah!"
SFX-14: Bad-Lori smash!
Lori: "Ow! Look what you've done! You split one of my claws!"
Lori sobs and cries
Deep sigh of all the others.
SFX-15: Hit!
Channels 1-8 on
Start Track 14: Closing Theme