EF9 - LSD Show Script

Last Modified: October-26-2009

Original script without markup


People:
Director: Eisfuchs
Script: Eisfuchs
Story: The LSD Team
Lights: Nightfox
Sound: Jaryic, Loewi
Stage Support: Tigerseye, Reesa, o'wolf, Gyroplast, Watani

Puppets / Puppeteers:
Lionel (Lion, tie): Lynard
Poke (Ferret, Poke-Wear[tm]): Fairlight
Lori (Fox): Eisfuchs
Mika (Snow Leopard): Tani
Manager (Panda): Fairlight
Ping (Leopard, bell): Tigerseye
Page (Timberwolf): o'wolf
Smith (Raccoon, hat): Lynard
Wesson (Raccoon, hat): o'wolf

Props:
Reception desk with telephone and "Reception" sign
Bell
Sign "Ring here, please"
Lion King's Club credit card
toilet brush
sweeping cloth
Heart with light bulb flip side
Broken heart with exclamation mark flip side
More hearts
Cloud number 9
Hotel

Stages:
Stage 1: The hotel lounge
Stage 2: Backstage
Stage 3: Outside the hotel

All directions are given from the audience's point of view.

Act 1 - Arrival

Scene 1 - The Lounge

Puppets: Lionel, Poke, Lori, Mika, Manager, Ping, Page, Smith, Wesson
Props: Reception desk, "Reception", Telephone, Bell, "Ring here, please", Heart, Toilet brush, cloth
Stage: 1 (Lounge)
Music: Some Czech folk music or similar, Hello my baby (Spaceballs)
Sound: Thud!, Twoingg!, Ping!, Clang!

Setting: The reception desk is on the right corner of the stage. Ping sits on the left side of the desk, looking bored. A sign "Ring here please" is placed before him. Lionel, Lori and Poke enter the stage from the left.

 Full light

 Radio Shack easy listening

Lionel: "Finally we're there! I really long for a cozy room and a bed to relax from this bumpy plane ride."

Lori: "I only hope we can still get a room here. All the other hotels have no vacancies anymore. We really should have booked in advance, as I have told you."

Poke: "Uh, don't give us this 'I know how to plan a holiday trip' shit again! I'll be outside. Call me when you've sorted things out."

 Poke leaves the room to the left again.

Lori: "Why can't he just say something nice for a change?"

Lionel: "Because ... he's Poke, I guess."

 Lionel walks over to the reception desk.

Lionel: "Hello?"

Lori: "Hello-o?"

 Lionel walks over to Ping, reads the sign and hits him on the head.

 Thud!

Ping (bored): "Ping!"

Lionel: "Hey, that's fun!"

 Lionel hits Ping on the head again.

 Thud!

Ping (bored): "Ping!"

Lionel: "Ha ha!"

 Lionel hits Ping several times on the head.

 Thud! Thud! Thud!

Ping (annoyed): "Pingpingpingpingping!"

 The Manager comes up from behind the reception desk.

 Twoingg!

Manager (Radio Shack phrasing): "Welcome to Czechka Paradisa! How can I help you?"

 Lionel turns to the audience.

Lionel: "Deja vu?"

 Lionel turns back to the Manager.

Lionel: "Hi! My name is Lionel Christopher Scruffycat. I need some rooms for me and my two ... uh ... companions, Loreena McFolkmanis and ... Poke."

Manager: "Oh, we have all kinds of rooms. Big ones, small ones, round ones, square ones, some have more space, some have less space. So, could you be a tad more specific?"

 Lionel turns to the audience.

Lionel: "Yep, deja vu!"

 Lionel turns to the Manager.

Lionel: "Three single rooms, please. Not too big, we just need a place to sleep while we're here."

Manager: "Three singles, for 70$ a night each, bed & breakfast, that would be 210$ grand total. We accept Master Card, Visa Card, American Express, Electronic Cash."

Lionel: "Uh, Lion King's Club card?"

Manager: "Sure."

 Lionel turns to Lori.

Lionel: "Lori, do you still have my credit card?"

Lori: "Yes, got it right here."

 Lori hands Lionel the credit card.

Lionel: "Ah, thanks."

 Lionel turns to the manager and gives him the card.

Lionel: "Here you are!"

Manager: "Thank you very much. I'll be right back."

 The Manager hides under the desk for a second, coming back up a moment later.

Manager: "The card has been blocked due to excessive expenses. Do you have another card?"

 The Manager throws the card away.

Lionel: "Excessive expenses? But I didn't ..."

 Lionel ponders and turns to Lori.

Lionel: "Lori? How long did that last phone call to your mother take?"

Lori: "I - I tried to be brief. Honestly!"

Lionel: "How long?"

Lori: "Maybe four or five ... hours ..."

Lionel: "Oh, no! Now I can't pay for the rooms and our return flight isn't due before Friday! What a cunning little vixen you are!"

Lori: "Oh, I'm sorry, Lionel."

Manager: "If I may make a suggestion?"

 Lionel turns around to the Manager.

Lionel (resigned): "Sure, I'm all ears."

Manager: "I could give you two singles ... or rather two broom closets to sleep in, but ..."

Lionel: "But?"

Lori: "But?"

Manager: "You must do a show for the rest of the guests tonight."

Lionel: "A show? What kind of show?"

Manager: "I planned to have an Irish Folk band playing here tonight, but they got themselves drunk beyond all reason and now I have no act to present. If you agree to entertain my guests, I'll let you stay here. You could do some magic tricks or a karaoke night. Alternatively you could always refrain to dishwashing, but that would take you quite some time to pay for the rooms. Coming to think of it ... I could place a pole on the stage for your vixen friend to do a strip tease."

Lori: "A what!? I would never-"

 Lionel quickly turns to Lori and interrupts her.

Lionel: "Lori? Do I have to remind you who's responsible for the mess we are in right now?"

Lori: "Uh ... I ..."

 Lionel turns back to the manager.

Lionel: "Okay, we'll do the show. Just give us the rooms."

Manager: "Good choice, Sir. Wait a minute, I'll send you the page with the room keys."

 The Manager hides behind the desk.

 Lionel turns around to Lori.

Lionel: "This is just great. Instead of having a good time and enjoying ourselves we're going to make complete fools of ourselves on the stage of this cheap hotel lounge. Oh well, room planning time. Who's going to stay in which room?"

Lori: "I think I should take a single room and Poke and you can stay in the other one."

Lionel: "How come that you get to have a room for yourself, Miss 'Phone-Home'?"

 Poke enters the room from the left again, overhearing the conversation.

Lori: "Lionel, you can't do this to me! I'd never stay with that filthy ferret overnight in the same room!"

Lionel: "Neither do I!"

Lori: "But you ... you are a man!"

Lionel: "Yeah, and I'd like to stay it, if you don't mind!"

Poke: "Oh, how very nice of you to leave me a room for myself! This way I'll be at least safe from Lori's babbling."

Lori: "No way! I'm not going to share a room with a *man*!"

Lionel: "Lori! Do you really think I would ..."

Lori: "No! I mean ... I can't ..."

Poke: "No, Lionel. Lori will be in my room tonight. We will have a party going on under the sheets to chill from the show!"

Mika (off): "Forget it, buddy! Lori is staying with me."

 All puppets turn their heads to the left side of the stage.

 Mika enters from the left.

Lori (shouts!): "Mika! What are *you* doing here?"

 Lori runs past Poke.

 Mika runs towards Lori and they meet in the middle of the stage, engaging in a brotherly kiss.

Mika: "I'm spending my holidays here, just like you, honey!"

Lori: "What a coincidence!"

 Poke turns to watch the girls.

 Lionel's heart pops up.

 Ping!

Lionel (in love): "Oooh ... Spotty kitty ... Nice kitty ..."

Poke: "Oh, Lori! Nice show! I didn't know you were into women! No wonder that my charming personality didn't get through to you."

Lori: "Oh, shut up, Poke. It's not like that! Mika is an old school friend of mine. Mika, over there that's my friend Lionel."

 Lori points to Lionel.

Mika: "Yes, I heard you when you checked in. Pleased to meet you, Lionel!"

Lionel: "Kitty ... Fluffy kitty ..."

Lori: "And that one is ... well, Poke."

 Lori points to Poke.

Mika: "Hi Poke! Nice ... outfit."

Poke: "Now that we know each other's names, can we just go and fuck around a bit?"

Lori: "Poke!"

 Poke turns around to Lionel walks over to him and pushes his lower jaw shut..

 Clang!

Poke: "And you stop drooling, before we're all gonna drown in lion slobber."

Lionel: "Pretty kitty ... Snowy kitty ..."

Mika: "Come on, hon! We have a reunion to celebrate - in my room."

 Mika and Lori leave the stage to the left.

Poke: "Awww ... aren't they sweet? I only wonder what they're going to do, once they are alone."

 The Page enters the stage from behind the desk.

Page: "If you would please follow me, Sirs? I'll take you to your ... closets."

 The Page leaves the stage past the desk to the right.

Poke: "Come on, Lionel, let's get our skeletons in the closets."

 Poke follows the page and drags Lionel by the tail.

 The Manager pops up from behind the desk and looks at the place where Lionel has been sitting.

Manager: "Uh, lion drool! What a mess! Smith! Wesson! Come over here and clean up!"

 Smith and Wesson enter the stage from somewhere and start cleaning up with cloth and toilet brush.

 The Manager leaves the stage down the desk.

Ping (bored beyond belief): "I think I'm not born for hotel business ... I guess I'll just quit and go for entertainment instead."

 Hello my baby

Ping (singing, dancing): "Hello my baby, hello my honey ..."

 Ping stumbles and crashes down behind the stage, taking the desk with him.

 Show light

 One Dream

 Lights out

Act 2 - Before the Show

Scene 1 - Backstage

Puppets: Lionel, Poke, Lori, Mika
Props: "Backstage" sign, Tie, Heart with light bulb, broken heart with exclamation mark, Cloud number 9
Stage: 2 (Backstage)
Music: Cool Cat
Sound: Ping!

Setting: Lionel sits on cloud number nine on the right side of the stage, now wearing a tie and having a couple of hearts hovering above him. Poke sits in the middle of the stage. Lori is on the left side.

 Full light

 Lionel humms and mutters to himself, still deeply in love.

Lionel: "Spotty kitty ..."

 Lori paces back and forth over the stage, whimpering.

Lori: "Oh no! Why did we have to agree to this? How could I possibly be on a stage in a second class hotel, with all the greedy eyes of the men down there staring at me? This is so humiliating! We'll be making complete fools of ourselves! We're all gonna die!"

 Lori starts to cry.

Poke: "Yeah, and whose fucking fault is that?"

Lori: "But ... I ... I never wanted this to happen!"

 Lori sniffs.

Lori: "We have no rehearsals, no clue, no nothing!"

Poke: "Well, with you this is nothing new."

 Lionel's heart changes to a light bulb.

 Ping!

Lionel (wakes): "Hey, guys! I just got a great idea! We're gonna do a game show tonight! This is gonna be the best show the people have ever seen! We will-"

 Mika enters from the left side.

Mika: "A game show? Cool! I love game shows!"

 Lionel's light bulb changes to a heart.

 Ping!

Lionel: "Kitty ... Nice kitty ..."

Mika: "So what kind of game show do you want us to do, Lionel Christopher?"

Lionel: "Fluffy kitty ..."

Lori: "Oh, no!"

Mika: "Was it something I said?"

Poke: "Probably it was because of something he never did."

Mika: "Anyway: I know a lot about game shows. I think I can dig up some ideas and glue them together to a nice evening show."

Lori: "Really? You mean, we actually have a plan?"

Mika: "Maybe not exactly a plan, but it's at least something!"

Poke: "Fine! You go ahead and plan the desaster. Just call me when you need the executioner."

 Poke leaves downstairs.

Mika: "Lori? Come with me, love. We're gonna plan this out in our room."

Lori: "Okay ..."

 Mika and Lori leave to the left side of the stage.

 Lionel's heart disappears and an exclamation mark comes up.

 Ping!

Lionel (wakes): "Oh, hi ... uh ... Mika. My name is Lionel, and ..."

 Lionel looks around, realizing that Mika is gone.

Lionel (deep sigh): "Awww ..."

 Lionel's exclamation mark turns to the broken heart. He keeps sitting there.

 Show light

 Cool Cat

 During the song Lionel keeps sighing deeply.

 Lights out

Act 3 - The Show has ended

Scene 1 - Afterglow

Puppets: Lionel, Poke, Lori, Mika, Manager
Props: Reception desk with telephione, Breaking heart, hearts, Cloud number 9.
Stage: 1 (Lounge)
Music: t.A.T.u - All The Things She Said
Sound: Faint, Crash

Setting: The Manager sits at the desk, Ping is gone.

 Full light

 Lori and Mika enter from the left, Lionel hovers behind on his cloud, hearts still over his head.

Manager: "So, there you are. What a crappy show. The music was bad, you can't sing and you definitely need someone with a sense of humor. And that bad excuse for a Doctor didn't help either, some american guy. He sucked! But the people seemed to like you, so you can stay here for a week, but not more. And make sure that this ferret guy never steps on my stage again!"

 The Manager disappears downwards.

Mika: "Did you hear that, Lori! You can stay here! We got to celebrate that!"

Lori: "Yeah, let's have a party!"

 Poke appears between them.

Poke: "Party? What a great idea! Let's go! (sings) Fuck around the clock tonight!"

Lori (together): "ALONE!"

Mika (together): "ALONE!"

 Poke looks to either side.

Poke: "Girls! Phhhbbbtt!"

 Poke disappears when the music starts.

 Show light

 t.A.T.u - All The Things She Said

 Mika and Lori kiss.

 Lionel's heart breaks when he sees the two girl kiss.

 Full light

 Mika walks over to Lionel.

Mika: "And tomorrow night I'll take care of that boy's broken voice."

 Mika kisses Lionel on the nose, then turns around and walks towards Lori.

 Lori and Mika leave the stage to the left.

 Lionel faints and falls down the stage, hearts fluttering on the impact.

 Faint! Crash!

 Lights out

Scene 2 - Good Night, John-Boy

Puppets: -
Props: Hotel
Stage: 3 (Outside)
Music: Muppetts Show - Closing theme
Sound: Waltons pling

Setting: The hotel is standing in the middle of the stage. All windows are illuminated

 Lights out

 Spot on Hotel, very dim

 Crickets chirping

Poke (off): "Good night, Lionel!"

Lionel (off): "Good night, Poke!"

 One light goes out.

Poke (off): "Night Girls, have fun!"

Lori (off): "Night Poke."

Mika (off): "Night Poke, God bless your right paw."

 Second light goes out.

All (off): "Good night, Poke!"

Poke (off): "Good night, John-Boys!"

 Last light goes out.

 Sounds of squeaking springs and some slapping noises.

Poke (off): "Hey! Can you be a little more silent when you try to be enthusiastic?"

 Waltons pling

 Spot out.

 Muppetts Show - Closing theme