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why did the chicken cross the road?

mixed in English, German and Austrian; still some doubletts in...
Alastair Cooke
Good Evening, and welcome to Masterpiece Theatre. Tonight, we present the epic British drama "How The Chicken Went," based on the 1843 novel by Herbert T. Poultry, and adapted for the screen by Joanna Drumstick. Starring Susan Hampshire as the Chicken, and Anthony Hopkins as the evil and unrepentant diner, Borstrom, this elegant period piece explores the mores and morality of a society in which ordinary chickens had to face their destiny of crossing the road to meet their fate at the hands of the monied upper classes, regardless of their own ambitions or desires...
Albert Einstein
Whether the chicken crossed the road or the road crossed the chicken depends upon the inertial system of the observer.
Whether the chicken crossed the road or the road crossed the chicken depends upon your frame of reference.
Aleister Crowley
Because it was its True Will to do so.
Alfred E. Neumann
What? Me worry?
Alfred Hrdlicka
Oiso, dem deppatn Hendl winsch ii die Massentierholtunggesetze der EU auf den Hois!
Andre Heller
Ein Chiicken-McNugget moecht i seeeeiin, gebraaaeunt von einem Lichtermeeeeer in einer Legebateriiie. Die wahren Abenteuer sind im Kropf...
Andreas Khol
Wir als Kraft der Mitte sind dafuer, dass das Huhn in der Mitte der Strasse geht. Ehe es sich nicht glaubhaft vom linken oder rechten Rand der Strasse distanziert, ist es fuer uns kein Partner.
Anthony Trollope
Why, to avoid Mrs. Proudy and Mr. Slope, of course.
Anton (Toni) Polster
Ahsooo, des Hendl? Ahsooo?
Any Philosphy 101 Professor
Why not?
It is the essense of chickens to cross the road.
To actualize its potential.
Arnold Schwartznager
I want to blow him up!
Bewaigung is deis wichtigste. Deis Haindl tuat jouggen, jouggen, jouggen. Und jeitzt wuell i no die Mamaa in da Staiamoak griassn. Servas Mamaa!
Angesichts der Tatsache, daß dem Huhn als Angestellter des Hühnerhofes ohnehin die allgemeine Verkehrsabsetzpauschale zusteht, kann eine etwaige Straßenüberquerungsmaut nicht den Werbungskosten hinzugerechnet werden. Außerdem ist zu überprüfen, inwieweit nicht auch eine - zumindest teilweise - private Nutzung der Straße vorgelegen hat. Jedenfalls sind von den Essenskosten bei der Überquerung 20 v.H. Eigenbedarf abzuziehen. Gegen diesen Bescheid kann innerhalb von 14 Tagen (vierzehn) schriftlich Einspruch erhoben werden.
Ayn Rand
It was crossing the road *because of its own rational choice to do so* There cannot be a collective unconscious; desires are unique to each individual.
It had a cunning plan.
Bart Simpson
I will not use a chicken as a frisbee. I will not use a chicken as a frisbee. I will not use a chicken as a frisbee. I will not use
Basil Fawlty
Oh, don't mind that chicken. It's from Barcelona.
Ben Bova
To be reunited with beautiful grey-eyed Athena, the woman he has loved for all of time
Bill Clinton
Bill Gates
For the money
Bill the Cat
Oop Ack. Thpppbt
Bischof Krenn
Es mag ja angehen, daß von Rom geduldete Hühner die Straße überqueren, aber ich möchte mich schon klar ausdrücken, in meiner Diözese möchte ich das nicht sehen. Und wer anderer Meinung ist, der kann ja mit dem Huhn gehen.
Bob Dylan
How many roads must one chicken cross?
Dammit, I'm a doctor, not an ornithologist!
Brigitte Ederer
Das Huhn ist auf der Suche nach den billigen EU-Preisen. Ich hab das schnell ausgerechnet. Wenn eine vierkoepfige Familie in der EU 1000 S monatlich spart, spart ein achtkoepfiges Huhn 2000 S im Monat. Super!
Bruno Kreisky
Ich bin der Meinung, besser ein Huhn, das die Straße überquert, als ein Arbeitsloser mehr. Ich kann Ihnen zwar momentan nicht sagen, ob ein solcher Fall im schwedischen Modell vorgesehen ist, aber das wird noch zu prüfen sein.
Budd Hopkins
She was dazed and disoriented after the extra-terrestrials abducted and genetically altered her.
To ask this question denies your own chicken nature.
B.F. Skinner
Because the external influences which had pervaded its sensorium from birth had caused it to develop in such a fashion that it would tend to cross roads, even while believing these actions to be of its own free will.
I'm sure it felt suffocated by all the bleeping regulations of bleeping Starfleet and just couldn't stand it any longer!
It came, it saw, it crossed.
Camille Paglia
It was drawn by the subconscious chthonian power of the feminine which men can never understand, to cross the road and focus itself on its task. Hens are not capable of doing this-their minds do not work that way. Feminism tries vainly to pretend there is no real difference between them, falsely following Rousseau. But de Sade has proved....
To cultivate its garden.
To boldly go where no hen has gone before.
To see what's out there.
Carl Jung
The confluence of events in the cultural gestalt necessitated that individual chickens cross roads at this historical juncture, and therefore synchronicitously brought such occurrences into being.
Carl Sagan
To see the billions and billions of stars.
Caspar Einem
Ich sehe keinen Zusammenhang der Strassenueberquerung mit der Huehnerszene. Ich habe schon vor ein paar Jahren ein paar Tausender fuer die Lege- batterien gespendet. Natuerlich nur zur Kaefigplatzsicherung. Ausserdem bin ich bekanntlich auf dem Huehnerauge blind!
Whatever its reason, whatever its goals, we should respect its right to cross the road and seek its own spiritual awareness.
It was the next step after coming down from the trees.
Charlie X
Because it didn't want to STAY...STAY...STAY...
It must have been on its way to assist in saving my life for the billionth time..did I scream this time?
Chris Lohner
Achtung, Gleis 1, Huhn fährt durch.
Christine Vranitzky
Zugunsten des Huhnes veranstalte ich vor den naechsten Nationalratswahlen ein Charity-Golf-Turnier. Wer schnell hilft, hilft doppelt!
Christopher Smart
I will consider my hen, Brigit, For she is a servant of the living God, Rising in the dawn to praise the Sun in her song, Retiring at dusk like an honest worker, Making by Alchemy from simple seeds The wonder of an egg to feed me at breakfast. For she fears Death and the Devil Known to her as Fox and Chickenhawk; For she is motherly to her chicks; For she refutes the Atheist and Mechanic Choosing of her free will to cross the road!
Claus Peymann
Det reaktionaere Haenchen hat meene Kulturpolitich sowieso staendich sabotiert! Diese Strassenueberquerung wird natuerlich mindestens zwo Schliesstache im Burchteather verursachen. Ich inzeniere demnaechst dat Stueck "Huehnerplatz", det auf eenem Huehnerklo (=Misthaufe) spielt.
Colonel Kilgore
I love the smell of chickens in the morning
Oliver North
It was a national security matter.
It Ran, Suh! I offered it a coating of 11 herbs and spices and it ran, Suh! So I shot it, Suh, shot it while it was trying to escape, suh!
I'm not sure but I can find out. That chicken is my animal spirit guide.
Noam Chomsky
To manufacture consent
Commander Data
I do not know. Although I have compared all of my 437 billion data points relating to chickens and roads, there is no possitive correlation between the two.
When the emperor performs the rites with full reverence, and the court officers behave as true scholars and gentlemen, a hen may cross any road in the kingdom safely.
Darth Vader
Because it could not resist the power of the Dark Side.
It was the logical next step after coming down from the trees.
The chicken, in observing that it was on the opposite side of the 20th century Terran paved roadway, was aware that its immediate goal should have been to traverse the distance without interception by an kind of combustion-propelled personal transport vehicle, but I am unclear as to why any kind of domesticated fowl should desire to perambulate upon a conveyance normally reserved for the usage of...yes, sir.
David Hume
Out of custom and habit.
David Letterman
And the No. 1 reason - fricasee!
To get to the other side. Kurzon might have disagreed with me, Tobin I'm sure wouldn't have had a clue, and then there's...
Herr Karl
Neulich siach i a Hendl ueber d' Strossn rennan und denk ma ... Karl, du bist es nicht!
To suck my dick, What can I tell you -OOOOOOOOOOH
Dietmar Kuehbauer
Also, i glaub, die Frog is fia die Wiascht!
Dorothy Parker
Travel, trouble, music, art / A kiss, a frock, a rhyme / The chicken never said they fed its heart / But still they pass its time.
Doug Hofstadter
To seek explication of the correspondence between appearance and essence through the mapping of the external road-object onto the internal road-concept.
Douglas Adams
It probably heard about my amazing medical skills not to mention my sexual prowess and came to get some pointers.
If there's nothing wrong with the chicken, there must be something wrong with the universe.
Jack Van Impe
Well you see, here's the really exciting part, if we were to look at Revelation 17:3 we will see that the Whore of Babylon rides on a scarlet beast. A scarlet beast! What this means is a Rhode Island Red. And the truly glorious thing is that this beast, this Rhode Island Red, this CHICKEN has crossed the road EXACTLY as was prophesized in the Bible and this is all a sign, Revelation 17:3, that we're living in the End Time. Hallelujah! And if you would like more information on the significance of this chicken crossing the road as all part of God's great plan then send me $50 and you will recieve this set of video tapes along with a copy of my recent book "Chickens: fowl beast, or foul beast?".
John Paul Jones
It has not yet begun to cross!
How should I know? Damnit Jim, I'm a Doctor not an ornithologist!
His heart just wasn't in it. (Scenes of chicken torture with nanoprobes have been edited out.)
Because it could not afford to be caught on the wrong side of the road-side gap.
Dylan Thomas
To not go (sic) gentle into that good night.
Umdadi und umdada, unser Hendl das ist da. Umdadum und umdadin, wo will denn das Hendl hin? ueber d'Strassen will das Huhn. Ja was hat es da zu tun? Umdadam und umdadum.
Eddie Murphy
To get to the fucking other side
Edith Klinger
Ein liebes kleines Henderl hätt' ma da, zwei Jahre alt, stubenrein und sterilisiert. Es hat leider als letztes ein sehr unaufmerksames Herrl ghabt - ja, sowas gibt's leider auch immer noch - und das ist's beim Überqueren der Straße vorm Hof von einem bösen Auto angefahren worden. Ja, so böse Menschen kann's geben! Na, und jetzt ist's am linken Fußerl leider ein bisserl lahm. Aber bei einem lieben Menschen, an einem guten Platzerl, legt es sicher noch ein paar Jahre lang treu Eier.
Die Fragestellung ist unvollstaendig. Es muss erst definiert werden, um welche Strasse es sich handelt, wie breit die Strasse ist, und welchen Luftwiderstand das Huhn verursacht. Erst dann kann die Frage beantwortet, und die Antwort mittels vollstaendiger Induktion bewiesen werden.
Emily Dickinson
Because it could not stop for death.
For fun.
Erhard Busek
Bunte Hühner wie wir wechseln eben gern den Standpunkt. Vielleicht. 's wär' doch eine Möglichkeit. Der Bürger will das so.
Ernest Hemingway
To die. In the rain.
Erwin Ringel
Das Huhn, dem man die Kindheit übergestülpt hat wie einen Honigtopf, hat bemerkt, wie jetzt die ganze Kindheit wie der Honig an ihm herabrinnt, und da hat es seine ganze Hühnerseele ins Spiel geworfen, um aus dieser Kindheit auszubrechen, auszubrechen auf die andere Seite der Straße - was der Seele der Österreicher völlig widerstrebt.
E.E. (Doc) Smith
Your humble narrator can barely do justice to this climactic event that rent asunder the fundamental ether of space itself, as the chicken, embodying all that is good and hard and straight and keen in the Avain world, fearlessly approached, bridged, and conquered the road for Civilization.
Ans, zwa, ans, zwa, Hendl!!! Hendl!!! Drei, via, drei, via, Strossn!!! Strossn!!!
Finanzminister Staribacher
Ich schlage eine neue Steuer fuer ALLE Huehner, die die Strasse ueberqueeren wollen, vor.
Wolfgang Schuessel
Kommt fuer die OEVP nicht in Frage!"
So wars ja gar nicht gemeint! Ich wollt ja nur die kleinen Huehner steuerlich entlasten!
Foghorn Leghorn
To get to that damn Dawg, Boah!
Frank Bunker Gilbereth
To minimize its therbligs
Franz Kafka
Dieter, now in the form of a chicken, was running from the government's torture machine. The machine, an instrument of death, slowly obliterated the souls of its victims. Dieter was alone. He was running for his life, his insignificant life.
Franz Löschnak
Es kann nicht sein, daß ein Huhn einfach so mir nichts, dir nichts, die Straße überquert. Ich habe den diesebezüglichen Ressortleiter bereits um Klärung des Sachverhalts gebeten. Und jetzt bitte ich sie, nicht immer ausgerechnet mir diese Fragen zu stellen!
Franz Vranitzky
Nun, äh, das Huhn hat eben, äh, den gegebenen Handlungsbedarf, äh, erkannt, äh, die Straße, äh, zu überqueren.
Fred Sinowatz
Die Sache ist seeehr kompliziert! Ich und meine burgenlaendischen Partei- freunde werden aber gerichtlich beschwoeren, dass das Huhn die Strasse nie ueberqueert hat.
Friederich Nietzsche
There was no chicken, no road, no crossing. There was only an interpretation.
O chicken, do not meddle in the affairs of roads, for you are tasty and good with barbecue sauce.
Gary Gygax
Because I rolled a 64 on the "Chicken Random Behaviors" chart on page 497 of the Dungeon Master's Guide.
Gene Roddenberry
To boldy go where no one had gone before.
General Jack D. Ripper
To maintain the purity of its precious bodily fluids.
Well, wherever it's going, I'm sure it'll have more luck with women than I do.
Georg Friedrich Riemann
The answer appears in Dirichlet's lectures.
George Bush
If it did it was out of the loop
George Bush
To face a kinder, gentler thousand points of headlights.
George Lucas
Because the Force was with it.
George Orwell
Because Big Brother was watching to make sure that it did cross the road, although in its heart, the chicken never did.
George Washington
Actually it crossed the Delaware with me back in 1776. But most history books don't reveal that I bunked with a birdie during the duration.
Gerald R. Ford
It probably fell from an airplane and couldn't stop its forward momentum.
Geraldo Rivera
Stay tuned as a panel of chickens reveals the shocking truth.
Gerhard Berger
Jo, griaß eich, i glaub, des Huhn hot die Stroßn übaquert, weil's hoit a sechsbeiniges Huhn gwesn ischt.
Gerti Senger
Das sexuell stimulierte Huhn folgt natürlich seinem Instinkt, so wie das Mann und Frau früher ja auch konnten. Leider bekommen durch die Haltung in Legebatterien heute nur mehr 20 Prozent der Hennen einen für sie und den Hahn befriedigenden Orgasmus. Das müßte nicht so sein. Man muß nicht immer die Straße überqueren, um einen gleichwertigen Partner zu finden. Ein wenig Toleranz und Rückkehr zu den Wurzeln des alten Hühnerhofs hat noch keiner Henne geschadet.
Gesundheitsministerin Krammer
Wenn ich mir überlege, was wir an Pflegekosten sparen könnten, wenn wir das Überqueren der Straße für Hühner verbieten - Straßen sind ohnehin bestenfalls als kriminelle Einrichtungen zu bezeichnen und gerade die Hühner als die schwächsten Glieder unserer Gesellschaft müssen davor geschützt werden. Außerdem sollte die Frage 'Warum hat das Huhn die Straße überquert?' verboten werden. Wir dürfen keinerlei Werbung für so etwas dulden.
The traffic started getting rough; the chicken had to cross. If not for the plumage of its peerless tail the chicken would be lost. The chicken would be lost!
Gloria Steinem
She was a victim of the male conspiracy.
Gottfried Von Leibniz
In this best possible world, the road was made for it to cross.
Gregor Mendel
To get various strains of roads.
Groucho Marx
This morning I shot a chicken in my pyjamas -- and lemme tell ya, that chicken ran out of my pyjamas in a second!
Groucho Marx
Chicken? What's all this talk about chicken? Why, I had an uncle who thought he was a chicken. My aunt almost divorced him, but we needed the eggs.
Gul Dukat
Well, that's a very interesting question...I'm sure we can work out some kind of arrangement to obtain that information that will be to everyone's satisfaction.
Gunnar Prokop
Disziplin ist einfach alles. Ohne Disziplin wird das Huhn die Strasse niemals erfolgreich ueberqueren koennen. Aber ich weiss, dass es das Huhn schaffen kann. Es muss nur hart arbeiten. Und Disziplin halten....
Günter Nenning
Ich hab mich als Huhn verkleidet und die Flughafenautobahn überquert. Da hab ich mich das erste Mal als junger Grüner gefühlt.
Because 'tis better to suffer in the mind the slings and arrows of outrageous road maintenance than to take arms against a sea of oncoming vehicles.
Hannibal Lecter, M.D.
I ate her liver. With fava beans. And a brandied cranberry sauce.
Hans Krankl
Jo, waßt eh, umegschlichn hot si des Hendl. A Wahnsinn! Afoch iwa'd Stroßn. Des taugt ma, des soit'n meine Buaschn a zambringa! Scheißt si iwahaupt nix, es Hendl. Recht so, meine Herrn, recht so.
Harlan Ellison
Because he had no beak and must scream.
I don't know, it's my first mission.
Harvey Mudd
Chicken? I don't remember any chicken. No no no, there's been a terrible misunderstanding.
Heide Schmidt
Die Freiheit des Huhns ist unteilbar. Dafür stehen wir. Das fordern wir dringlich ein.
Heinz Prüller
Das Huhn, ja, nach dem ersten Testlauf hat es mir gesagt, es läuft heute nicht so gut, die Federn sind schlecht eingestellt, aber in letzter Minute hat man dann noch im Rennstall die Federn gekürzt und jetzt, wenn der Abrieb nicht zu groß wird, jetzt, ja, es hat die Straße überquert. Da sieht man, was die Testläufe den ganzen Sommer über gebracht haben.
Helmut Zilk
Ja, is ein liebes Henderl, ich kenn's ja noch von klein auf, da simma noch miteinander über die Straße gangen, freut mich, daß jetzt was aus ihm gworden is, daß's jetzt allein über die Straßn kommt. Mit der richtigen Einstellung geht's ja doch, net wahr?
Henny Youngman
Take this chicken ... please.
Henry David Thoreau
To live deliberately ... and suck all the marrow out of life.
Herr Travnicek (G.h.i.s.)
Schaun Sie, wos brauch i des Hendl? Va miraus sois hingehn wos wuel! Won mi der Tierschutzverein net vermittelt haett....
Because of an excess of light pink gooey stuff in its pancreas.
ein Huhn braucht Raum
How should I know? No one tells me anything around here. I didn't even know we added chickens to the crew. All I know is that it would have been nice, BEFORE the chicken went off to the cross the road, if it had remembered to turn me off!
Howard Cosell
It may very well have been one of the most astonishing events to grace the annals of history. An historic, unprecedented avian biped with the temerity to attempt such an herculean achievement formerly relegated to homo sapien pedestrians is truly a remarkable occurence.
Howard Cosell
It may very well have been one of the most astonishing events to grace the annals of history. An historic, unprecedented avian biped with the temerity to attempt such an herculean achievement formerly relegated to homo sapien pedestrians is truly a remarkable occurrence.
Hugh the Borg
Maybe it just needed a big hug!
Hugo Portisch
Das Huhnstand in dieser schwierigenSituation, wissend um die angespannte Lage inder Weltpolitik, mit seiner Entscheidung, die Strasse zu ueber- queren odernicht, voellig alleine da. Soll es diesen riskanten Schritt ueber die Strasse wagen oder nicht. Die Konseqenzenseines Handelns waren voellig unabsehbar....
Hunter S. Thompson
Why the &*%$#@ not?
H.P. Lovecraft
To escape the crawling horror lurking on this side of the road, a nameless and foetid monstrosity that cannot be conceived save in the dreams of madness
H.P. Lovecraft
To futilely attempt escape from the dark powers which even then pursued it, hungering after the stuff of its soul!
Immanuel Kant
Because it was a duty.
Jack Kerouac
The chicken hipster, high on tea and the soul groves of Charlie (the bird) Parker, strolled aimlessly on the road looking for his dharma.
Jack Nicholson
'Cause it (censored) wanted to. That's the (censored) reason.
Jackie Mason
Whaddaya want, it should just stand there?
Jacques Derrida
Any number of contending discourses may be discovered within the act of the chicken crossing the road, and each interpretation is equally valid as the authorial intent can never be discerned, because structuralism is DEAD, DAMMIT, DEAD!
Jacques Derrida
The question admits of limitless answers, since there is no one logocentric strategy of discourse that takes primacy over all others.
Jacques Derrida
What is the *differance?* The chicken was merely deferring from one side of the road to other. And how do we get the idea of the chicken in the first place? Does it exist outside of language?
Jacques Lacan
Because of its desire for *object a*.
Check out the babe that just came off that transport!
James Joyce
Mrs. Hahn, Cock's wife, flapflopped from an ova eggspressed (one l'ouvre, end sot) and charged that lewd brigade into any tennis sun in this faunanimal whirled.
James Joyce
Once upon a time a nicens little chicken named baby tuckoo crossed the road and met a moocow coming down...
James Joyce
To forge in the smithy of its soul the uncreated conscience of its race.
James Tiberius Kirk
To boldly go where no chicken has gone before.
Jane Austen
Because it is a truth universally acknowledged that a single chicken, being posessed of a good fortune and presented with a good road, must be desirous of crossing.
Its primary goal was no doubt to get back to the Alpha Quadrant...and it probably misses its dog.
Jazz Gitti
Kraeeeeeeenkkkkk diii neeeeeeeeeeett ........
Wos? A Hendl kummt ueber d' Strossn? A Wundaa! Hatzts in Griller on! Put, put, puut, puut...
To impose a meaning upon her accidental existence.
To see what's out there.
In order to act in good faith and be true to itself, the chicken found it necessary to cross the road.
Jerry White
Why does a chicken cross the road only half-way? So she can lay it on the line.
The chicken chose to cross the road in this decade not because it was easy, but because it was hard.
Jim Gillis
The chicken crossed the road to show the gophers it could be done.
Johann Friedrich von Goethe
The eternal hen-principle made it do it.
Johanna Dohnal
Das Huhn fluechtet vor der Diskriminierung des weiblichen Federviehs durch die maennlich dominierte Vogelgesellschaft. Obwohl ca. 90% dieser Tiere weiblich sind, beherrschen die Haehne immer noch das gesellschaftliche und politische Leben, und druecken sich immer noch davor, selbst Eier zu legen.
John Cleese
Because it was very silly.
John Constantine
Because it'd made a bollocks of things over on this side of the road and figured it'd better get out right quick.
John Le Carre
Because it knew, at the core of its being where none could ever reach, that its only course of action now that its cover was blown wide open was to try and slip away into the grey, foggy, bleak evening before Smiley came, accompanied by his silent shadow Peter Guillam, asking questions for which there could never be answers.
John Milton
To justify the ways of God to men.
John Paul Jones
It has not yet begun to cross!
John Steinbeck
The road baked in the relentless summer sun as the chicken, looking about, began to cross. It stopped occaisionally to peck at a grass seed that had become lodged in a crevice in the cracked macadam. The chicken reached the other side, then began making his way to the Salinas, which lay muddy and turgid in the July afternoon, all the while thinking of the cool shade by the river and how good the can of beans in his bedroll would taste tonight.
John Sununu
The Air Force was only too happy to provide the transportation, so quite understandably the chicken availed himself of the opportunity.
Josef Hader
Geh, helfts dem Huhn ueber die Strossn! Danke, ganz liiiiieeeb!
Josef Meinrad
Im Jahre 1995 nach Christus ging ploetzlich ein Huhn ueber eine Strasse. Mehr, wenn ihr mich wiederseht, ihr muesst unbedingt gucken, wie's weiter- geht!
Joseph Campbell
In primitive cultures, we can find many such examples of the chicken motif that cannot be dismissed as mere coincidence. For instance, I am reminded of an old Navajo legend in which a buffalo crosses a stream to "come" to the other side -- an obvious negative language devised to prepare tribesmen for a transcendental experience. Similarly, the Hindus believe in savanaya, or a sacred cow that leaps over a chasm on Thursdays. Through metaphorical interpretation, we are led to realize that all examples suggest an attainable higher state of consciousness like that of Nietzsche's ubermench, or superman, as outlined in his novel "Thus Spoke Zarathustra."
Joseph Conrad
Mistah Chicken, he dead.
Joseph Stalin
It was clearly a conspiracy. Take all the chickens out and shoot them. At Once!
Julius Caesar
To come, to see, to conquer.
J.R.R. Tolkein
The chicken, sunlight coruscating off its radiant yellow- white coat of feathers, approached the dark, sullen asphalt road and scrutinized it intently with its obsidian-black eyes. Every detail of the thoroughfare leapt into blinding focus
the rough texture of the surface, over which count- less tires had worked their relentless tread through the ages; the innumerable fragments of stone embedded within the lugubrious mass, perhaps quarried from the great pits where the Sons of Man labored not far from here; the dull black asphalt itself, exuding those waves of heat which distort the sight and bring weakness to the body; the other attributes of the great highway too numerous to give name.
Jörg Haider
Weil es auf der anderen Seite mit Sozialleistungen überhäuft wird. Wir sollten dafür sorgen, daß die Hühner auf der Seite der Straße ihre Eier legen, auf der sie zuhause sind.
Kardinal Groer
..." (betretenes Schweigen)
Karl Marx
To escape the bourgeois middle-class struggle.
Driven by the lash of economic necessity.
It was a historical inevitability.
To escape the bourgeois middle-class struggle.
To join ranks with its fellow comrads.
It was remembering back to the times when its ancestors crossed roads all the time! They lost those abilities because they stopped using them!
With my last breath I spit at the chicken...
It was probably being chased by those cursed Cardassians.
You chicken bastard, you killed my son...YOU chicken BASTARD, you CHICKEN bastard....youkilledmy...son!
Na weu's net autofoan kann, so wia du!
Na, Schrammel, warum is'n des Hendl jetz' üba d'Stroßn gangen?
Kurt Waldheim
Gegen das Huhn war eine Campaign im Gange, weil es im Huehnerstall Nummer UNO zu laut gegackert hat, und es hat die Strassenseite gewechselt, bevor es dort Aufenthaltsverbot bekommen konnte.
Lao Tse
Those who cluck do not know. Those who know do not cluck.
Are you sure it wasn't Zeus dressed up as a chicken? He's into that kind of thing, you know.
Lee Iacocca
It found a better car, which was on the other side of the road.
Leopold Bloom
Wonder why chickens cross roads. Must be some law. Migration maybe. Mrs Marion Bloom.
Leopold Figl (Gott hab ihn selig)
Ich kann Euch heuer zu Ostern nur eines geben
Glaubt an dieses eine Huhn!
like the hen i' the adage
Why, let us feather our brutish nests In this barnyard Athens
Lucien Bouchard
So that it could be SEPARATE!
Ludwig Wittgenstein
The possibility of "crossing" was encoded into the objects "chicken" and "road", and circumstances came into being which caused the actualization of this potential occurrence.
Oh, Jean-Luc!
Lyndon LaRouche
She was a victim of the English Gnostic Drug Cartel conspiracy.
So that its subjects will view it with admiration, as a chicken which has the daring and courage to boldly cross the road, but also with fear, for whom among them has the strength to contend with such a paragon of avian virtue? In such a manner is the princely chicken's dominion maintained.
Madeleine Petrovic
Ein glückliches Huhn wollte gegen Massentierhaltung und Durchzugsverkehr demonstrieren. Das verdient unsere Solidarität.
Mae West
I invited it to come up and see me sometime.
Margaret Thatcher
There was no alternative.
Mark Knophler
How come Chickens got Industrial Disease?
Mark Twain
The news of its crossing has been greatly exaggerated.
Marshall McLuhan
The Road is the Medium. The chicken is the Message!
Martin Gardner.
This chicken story seems merely more gaga New Age silliness at first, but may contain something more sinister. No reputable scientists has ever reported a chicken crossing a road. Alleged "close encounters" with such chickens are claimed by ignorant and suggestible people only. Farmers queried all report large fences around their hen-yards, to prevent chickens from escaping. One recalls similar mass delusions in Nazi Germany before Hitler.
Martin Luther King
It had a dream.
Michael Graff
Ich stehe als Nachfolger fuer das Hendl auf dieser Seite der Strasse selbstverstaendlich zur Verfuegung!
Michael Palin
Nobody expects the banished inky chicken!
Michel Foucault
It did so because the dicourse of crossing the road left it no choice-the police state was oppressing it.
Mini Bydlinsky
Ja, das stiiiimt! Die Hendl ist ueber den Strossn gongan, warum und wieso weiss ich nicht, ich weiss nur, dass ich scho wieda mei blede Toni Polster Parodie mach!
Molly Bloom
the chicken crossed the road well Poldy I dont know why why do you worry about such stupid bloody things O speaking of stupid bloody things here it comes again damn it its only been three weeks I wonder is there something wrong with me yes
Molly Yard
It was a hen!
Monty Python
For Something Completely Different
Know ye that it is unclean to eat the chicken that has crossed the road, and that the chicken that crosseth the road doth so for its own preservation.
Mr. Homn
Mr. Scott
'Cos ma wee transporter beam was na functioning properly. Ah canna work miracles, Captain, wi' no dilithium crystals left to speak of!
Mr. Spock
It was not logical for the chicken to do so, but I have frequently observed that the behaviour of chickens is not logical
Mr. T
If you saw me coming you'd cross the road too!
Mr. Worf
I do not know, Klingon chickens do NOT cross the road.
Neddy Seagoon
See the end of this document for the full Dr. Suess version.
Actually, Captain, I'm not really familiar with the chickens in this system. But, if you can catch it, I can cook it.
Newt Gingrich
The chicken choose to exercize individual initiative and not wait for a government-funded street-light program.
To get to the RIGHT side of the road.
Because if you gaze too long across the Road, the Road gazes also across you.
Niki Lauda
Ich meine, die Sache wird man ganz genau untersuchen muessen. Unkorrektheiten koennen wir uns da einfach nicht leisten. Der Konkurrenzkampf bei den Huehnern ist einfach zu gross. Chicken is our success!
Nora Frey
Das Huhn hat die Straße überquert. Wir sprechen dazu mit dem Chef von Wienerwald Österreich.
Norbert Gaugg (leider schon einer)
Ich buchstabiere Huhn kuenftig mit
Herrlich, urig, heldenhaft, niedlich.
Nurse Chapel
Oh, Spock!
I don't know, but I'm sure it must be Quark's fault.
Sakra, zu meiner Zeit hots desch net gebn. Uebrigensch ... reitet da Hugo Simon no imma?
Oliver North
National Security was at stake. ... And it was ONLY following executive orders.
Omar Khayyam
I sent a hen through the astral plane To learn our future, and man's luck, And by a by the bird returned But all she'd say was "Cluck, cluck, cluck!"
Oral Roberts
And I said to the chicken
"Put your claw on the screen! Put your claw on the screen, upon the hand of Brother Oral, and you shall be healed. Make a love offering of $50 or more, and then touch the screen. And that chicken did put his claw on the screen. And the power of God, in his infinite wisdom and mercy, flowed through me and out through that television set, and that chicken was healed *PRAISE GOD!*. And then that chicken, stricken for so many months, rose up and walked across the road. But, since he had forgotten his love offering, God never warned him about the 30 ton semi barreling down on the crosswalk...."
Oscar Wilde
This chicken problem has many depths, but all of them are equally shallow.
Otto Baric
Huhn hat Gegner maximal getrickst, gute Tackling, immer viel vor auf Straße, wie ich alle gesagt, maximal vor und über Straße, bevor die Gegner merkt. Ist Rezept von maximale Erfolg.
Otto Konrad
Das Huhn ist, von einer Flasche am Hinterkopf getroffen, mit letzter Kraft ueber die Strasse gelaufen. Ich werde zu diesem Thema fuer meine Fans eine weitere CD und eine weitere Videokassette herausbringen. Und wenn ich noch was sagen darf: An meinen letzen 120 Toren war der Rasenziegel Nr. 23 schuld!
Otto Schenk
Das Huhn --- das wandelt auf der Strass. warum tut --- das Hendl das? Rueber wills --- auf'd andre Seiten. So will ich's denn --- nach drueb'n --- geleiten.
Otto von Habsburg
Die Strasse als Symbol des Trennenden, wird von dem Huhn, einem Sympathisanten der Pan-Europa-Bewegung, im Geiste einer europäischen Einheit überwunden.
No problem, Commander, I'll get right on it.
Papst Johannes Paul II
Meine nächste Enzyklika wirdsich mit disem Problem beschäftigen. Eine Zulassung von Hennen als Wetterhähne wird es aber sichernicht geben.
Well, I think that...say, that's a lovely shirt you're wearing.
Pat Robertson
She was a victim of the Illuminati One World conspiracy.
Pater Paterno
Mit Gottes Segen stürzte das Huhn auf die andere Straßenseite, unbeirrbar auf seinem Weg, wie ein Schäfchen auf dem Weg in die Seitenblicke-Redaktion.
Paul de Man
The chicken did not really cross the road because one side and the other are not really opposites in the first place.
(uncovered after his death) So no one would find out it wrote for a collaborationist Belgian newspaper during the early years of World War II.
Paul Erdos
It was forced to do so by the chicken-hole principle.
Peter Elstner (vor dem verschlossenen Huehnerstall)
Geht's Hendln, lossts mi eini!! Nur aaa Interview! Na, geht's mochts auf, ich bin mit da Kamera doo!!
There are four lights!
For the greater good.
The ideal chicken must ideally cross the ideal road. Therefore, imperfect chickens in this world cross imperfect roads, imperfectly.
Polizeipräsident Bögl
Es hat sich um eine polizeilich angemeldete Straßenüberquerung gehandelt. Vorsorglich wurde der Verkehr in einem Umkreis von drei Kilometern um die Überquerungsstelle abgesichert, jedoch war bis zum Ende der Überquerung kein Anzeichen einer Gegenüberquerung zu erkennen, also war es ein Beweis für die Schlagkraft unserer Männer, die ich da jetzt schon einmal gelobt wissen will.
Pyrrho the Skeptic
What road?
Who, me?
Quentin Tarantino
Actually, we'll probably change that on rewrite.
Wouldn't you like to know? Too bad your puny human brain wouldn't be able to comprehend the answer.
Rainhard Fendrich
Ich sing es hier und ueberall, I am from Hendlstall.
Ralph Klein
Because I cut $470 million from its budget, that's why.
Ralph Waldo Emerson
It didn't cross the road; it transcended it.
Raymond Chandler
She had beady inhuman eyes like strange black jewels and the kind of feathers a bird of paradise might envy. I knew that if they made her a free-range chicken she'd take off and never look back.
Reinhold Messner
Es handelt sich hier nicht um ein Huhn, sondern um eine besonders kleine Auspraegung des Yeti, der mir gefolgt ist, um hier andere Lebensformen und Landschaften zu erforschen. Naechstes Jahr versuche ich, die selbe Strasse in wenigen Minuten ohne technische Hilfsmittel zu ueberqueren.
Rene Descartes
It had sufficient reason to believe it was dreaming anyway.
Rev. Pat Robertson
She was a victim of the Illuminati One World conspiracy.
Rhett Butler
Frankly my dear, it didn't give a damn!
Richard Nixon
That part of our conversation was accidentally erased.
I don't know why, but I know how
with pleasure, sir.
Robert Anton Wilson
Because agents of the Ancient Illuminated Roosters of Cooperia were controlling it with their Orbital Mind-Control Lasers as part of their master plan to take over the world's egg production.
Robert Burns
Fair Fa Your Honest Sonsie Face Great Chieftain O' The Chicken Race The blackened road 'ahind ye said Ye best run quick ere ye be deid!
Robert Frost
To cross the road less traveled by.
Robert Heinlein
Because with the freedom the chicken was given, it was the chicken's responsibility to do so.
Roland Barthes
The chicken wanted to expose the myth of the road.
Ronald Reagan
I don't recall. What was the question?
I forget.
Roseanne Barr
Urrrrrp. What chicken?
Rudolf Scholten
Ich kenn mich da zwar nich so aus, aber mein Freund, der Clausi ist bereits als neuer Direktor des Huehnerstalls vorgesehen. Bei den vielen Schliesstagen haben die Huehner gar keine Chance mehr, auf die Strasse zu kommen.
Rush Limbaugh
Beacuse of those damn bleeding heart liberals, trying to save one stupid bird while thousands of jobs are being lost.
She was brainwashed by the liberal feminazi media.
Saddam Hussein
This was an unprovoked act of rebellion and we were quite justified in dropping 50 tons of nerve gas on it.
Saengerin Simone
Durch die Unterfuehrung gehen is halt so muehsam, drum bin ich ueber die Strasse gangen.
Salvador Dali
The Fish.
For the touch of your skin, the sweetness of your lips..
To kiss your skin, to lie with you in moonlight...
Sometimes logic fails me where chickens are concerned.
Waas i net.
Because she couldna take much morrrrrre.
Sherlock Holmes
It was not merely that the chicken crossed the road, Watson, but that the three Russian midgets and the Italian oboe player did not also cross.
Sigmund Freud
The chicken obviously was female and obviously interpreted the pole on which the crosswalk sign was mounted as a phallic symbol of which she was envious, selbstverstaendlich.
Sigmund Freud
The telephone pole suggested a phallic symbol and like all female creatures she wanted to be dominated.
Sir Edmund Hilary
Because it's there.
Sir Isaac Newton
A chicken at rest remains at rest; a chicken in motion remains in motion.
Chickens at rest tend to stay at rest. Chickens in motion tend to cross the road.
It was seeking deeper meaning. Jake, do you see what we've learned from all this?
Was it pushing a rock, too?
To pick up some hemlock at the corner druggist.
Fascinating, Captain.
Meine Generation, wir waren ja damals schon nie wirklich gegen die Hühner, natürlich haben wir nie verstanden, warum wir nicht weiter Hendl dazu sagen durften, obwohl sie sich ja selbst als solche sehen.
Stan Laurel
I'm sorry, Ollie. I left the hen-house door open.
I'm sorry, Ollie. It escaped when I opened the run.
Wiener Freiheitliche
Wien darf nicht zur Huehnerfarm werden!
Don't call me Tiny!
That depends...was it fully functional?
The Beatles
To be free as a bird!
The Borg
Crossing the road is irrelevant. The chicken will be assimilated.
The Grand Nagus
Stupid chicken! You don't cross the road all at once! You sneak across it quietly, without anyone noticing!
The Kingston Trio
The lions still roam the barranca And a hen there is always alone.
The Sphinx
You tell me.
Thomas Chorherr (Die Presse)
Das Huhn hat die Straße nicht überquert, es ist geschritten - geschritten auf dem Weg in ein neues Europa.
Thomas de Torquemada
Give me ten minutes with the chicken and I'll find out.
Thomas Dequincy
Because it ran out of opium.
Thomas Jefferson
All hens are endowed by Nature and Nature's God with the right to life, liberty and the pursuit of the other side.
Thomas Klestil
Wir müssen in diesem wichtigen Moment für das Huhn all unsere Anteilnahme aufbringen, damit es den Hühnern, die nach ihm kommen, besser ergeht.
Thomas Paine
Out of common sense.
Timothy Leary
Because that's the only kind of trip the Establishment would let it take.
Tom Clancy
The Mark 84 gargleblaster that the chicken carried, at the heart of which was an inferior ex-Soviet excimer laser system, had insufficient range to allow the chicken to carry out its mission from this side of the road.
Tom Robbins
Well you see, that chicken was a special chicken who was a descendent of a parrot family that once built pyramids for tourist pharohs. This chicken liked the other side of the road whose shamanic whispers beckoned Anastasia, the parrot, like the popped cherry of a ritually consumated white wedding. That's the meaning of it all, baby!
Oral Roberts
He couldn't raise the $100000 so God called him to the other side.
Tom Waits
...and the chicken, decked out in Foster Grant wraparounds and Purina checkerboard slacks, cruised across La Cienica Boulevard in a 1959 monkey-shit- brown Buick Super, while the yellow biscuit of a buttery cue-ball moon came rolling maverick across an obsidian sky, and why? you say? Cause that's life, and that's what all the chickens say. You're one one side in April, and you're seriouly run down in May
Tomas de Torquemada
Give me ten minutes with that chicken and we'll find out.
I feel the chicken's pain!
TS Eliot
Do I dare to cross the road?
Weialala leia / Wallala leialala.
It's not that they cross, but that they cross like chickens.
To leave the place she knew for another place And to stay there for a while And then to visit both places.
That's not a question we'd prefer to hear from a senior officer. It makes the junior officers nervous.
Shall I open hailing frequencies so you can ask it, sir?
Vertreter des VSStOe
Meine persoenliche und unabhaengige Meinung ist: Das Huhn hatte einfach Lust auf Links; Frage: "Es ist aber nach rechts gegangen, was sagen sie dazu?" "Uije ... aah ... Haben sie vielleich die Telefonnummer vom Josef Cap?"
Vito Corleone
We made her an offer she couldn't refuse.
To join with the Creator.
Wallace Stevens
O thin men of Haddam Why seek so eagerly the golden bird? Do you not see the chicken On the dirt road you walk?
Walt Whitman
To cluck the song of itself.
To live deliberately ... and suck all the marrow out of life.
Walter Schiejok
Meine Redaktion und ich, wir haben uns des Huhns angenommen, und ich muß sagen, das ist doch wirklich eine Frechheit, typisch für dieses Land - könnte man sagen - daß man über sowas auch heute immer noch diskutieren muß. Man sollte doch wirklich glauben, ein Huhn könnte heutzutage eine Straße überqueren, ohne von den Behörden einen Prügel zwischen die Beine zu bekommen.
Weekly World News
Nostradamus predicted chicken/Bigfoot horror!
Nostradamus predicted chicken/UFO horror!
Werner Heisenberg
We are not sure which side of the road the chicken was on, but it was moving very fast.
I'm not sure, but I can figure it out if I reroute these systems and reconfigure the warp field and run a complete internal whootchacallit on the computers and...
William Faulkner
Uncle Ike saw her first: just an ordinary chicken, he thought for a moment, a chicken picking here and pecking there, gradually working her way across the road toward the lawn; but then he felt the fingers tighten on his arm and looked up, astounded, to see him, the Colonel, eyes lit with a new fire, face aglow like a saint seeing a vision: and then it was destiny, a thing pre-ordained, a fatality, for the Colonel did not reveal even to him, Uncle Ike, the secret ingredients, not the names of the herbs and not even the number of them, and so the secret of the crust remained, a hermetic mystery, locked in the private places of the Colonel's soul: and yet the vision was real, a true moment of Fate; for the franchises sold almost as fast as they could slaughter and gut the stock, and they spread across the country, across the civilized world, making the Colonel not just a millionaire but a billionaire, and Uncle Ike saw it all, knew it all, from the beginning to the day when the initials KFC were to be seen in every city, every town, every hamlet large enough to own two mules and an Assembly of God church: until now, standing in the shop in Jefferson, Yoknapatawpha County, where Flem Snopes, the bank president, hawked and coughed and spat on the floor, then hoisted his britches, country style, and said to the waitress, "Extra crispy, please."
William Shakespeare
I don't know why, but methinks I could rattle off a hundred-line soliloquy without much ado.
William Wordsworth
To have something to recollect in tranquility.
Wolfgang Pauli
There already was a chicken on the other side of the road.
Wolfgang Schüssel
Ehrlich gesagt, bin ich eh ein bißchen überrascht, daß das Huhn über die Straße geschickt wird und nicht ich. Aber wahrscheinlich steht das Huhn für noch mehr Kontinuität als ich. Sie können aber nicht erwarten, daß ich jetzt sofort eine umfassende Antwort auf diese Frage habe, die werde ich mir jetzt einmal überlegen - in vierzehn Tagen werde ich sie Ihnen dann vorlegen.
Woody Allen
Die Frage ist nicht, warum das Huhn die Straße überquert hat, die Frage ist, muß es sich auf der anderen Seite rasieren?
I don't know. KLINGON chickens do NOT cross roads.
World falling
This Department recalls the distasteful incident of the Chainsaw Subliminals
Crossing the road does not make a chicken great.
Zeno of Elea
To prove it could never reach the other side. Not across the road As though a toad Not with a cluck To avoid a truck Not in Japan Godzilla and Rodan I would not could not cross the street On my two small chicken feet. Across the road I will not scram Even though a fowl I am. Please dear chicken give it a try For across the road you can not fly. Alright! Alright! I'll give it a try For it is true, chickens can't fly. Hey! It's not bad, infact it's neat! I truly love to cross the street. Across the road I LOVE to scram. I cross the road, a fowl I am.
Zsa Zsa Gabor
It probably crossed to get a better look at my legs, which, thank goodness, are good, dahling.

Emil "nobs"Obermayr